Here at the Parenting Pit we are working on a range of products to make your homeschooling/ unschooling journey a blissful haven (you know… like the ones you read about on all those egroups!). Take a sneak peak at some of the products soon available:

THE FREAK OUT FILE

For mild to medium freak outs, gather favourite articles, quotes and references in this genuine imitation leather folder. For extreme cases we highly recommend buying our “Anxious Unschooler Pack”, which consists of ten folders – one for every room of the house and the car. We highly recommend beginning the folder with a letter to yourself written during your more lucid moments which begins, “I am choosing to unschool because…” (comes with examples). Beautifully adorned with wise, soothing text inspired by the late Douglas Adams.

THE EMERGENCY BOX

When you are really losing the plot and about to send the kids to boarding school, its time to purchase our “Emergency Box”. Break the glass and get an emergency copy of Rue Kream’s book, “Parenting a Free Child”. Not only will Rue’s compassionate wisdom help soothe your soul but breaking the glass with a small hammer is surprisingly cathartic, liberating and loads of fun.

THE BRAIN FILTER

While it might look like a normal sponge… and feel like a normal sponge… and work like a normal sponge. Well yes ok, it is a normal sponge! But this sponge has been treated with our patented “foot out of mouth fluid”, a secret blend of herbs, spices and anti freeze that transforms it into an effective brain filter.

Simply place between brain and mouth via the left nostril (tongs not included) and the Brain Filter will immediately delay your thoughts from reaching your mouth by 4 seconds. Time enough to reconsider those ill advised judgement statements such as the classic, “stop playing bloody world of bloody warcraft, get off that couch and go and learn the god damn periodic table or something, anything!!!”

THE HOMESCHOOLERS CARD

For those times when you dare take your school aged child out in public during school hours but do not feel like patiently and compassionately answering the questions from curious or concerned onlookers. Simply smile and pass them “the card”. Choose from one of two approaches below (click on them to see larger versions:)

“GATTOMATIC PILLS” – DEHYDRATED JOHN GATTO CLONES

Perfect for those particularly pesky relatives or friends who are challenged by your decision and continue to strongly advocate the school system. We have successfully cloned John Taylor Gatto, New York Teacher of the year and eloquent critic of schools… we have also dehydrated him (them). When you find yourself in one of “those conversations”, simply pull out your Gattomatic pill, add water and make a hasty get away while the John Taylor Gatto clone takes over.

ACADEMIC TRANSLATOR

For those that unschool and yet have to report to some government agency… or the kids grandparents, why not buy our academic translator? simply say the activity that you have been pursuing (eg. blowing bubbles in the garden) and allow the translator to do its magic, in this case the results were: “todays lesson plan consisted of Chemistry, particularly working with the results of the saponification process from sodium and potassium fatty acid salts; Physics, examing surfactants and the Marangoni effect on liquid surface tension. A side experiment of light wave interference patterns from solar sources through viscous air borne fluids was also pursued.”

Stay tuned for prices and shipping details. In the mean time please add your comments, including any further suggestions for our Research and Development team below.

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You may have noticed that im not like other bloggers who are able to write something daily.

I promised myself when i started this site that id only blog when a mildly interesting thought popped into my brain.

But here is a confession… im not actually an interesting person at all! Not in the slightest! Ive learnt to disguise it brilliantly – I have dreadlocks, I hang around an interesting partner & kids and I move house alot.

Im working on looking even more interesting in 2008 by buying a motor bike helmet and a guitar case as well as inexplcably breaking off in mid conversation, staring at the sky before silently nodding to myself much, much more than i did in 2007. Now if that’s not interesting I dont know what is!

Anyway my point is that im doing well to get an even slightly interesting thought or observation once every week or so. Then for that to turn into a post to this blog is even more unlikely.

So if you want to stay in touch with things when i do get it together and post something new, I’VE FINALLY SET UP A NEW OPTION WHERE YOU CAN SUBSCRIBE TO THE PARENTING PIT! Simply fill in your name and email address in the following fields:

When you subscribe you will get a short email when there is a new post or page to this site.

Not sure whether to take the plunge? Here’s a quote from a satisfied customer:

Five stars! Ive found posts to the parenting pit invaluable, inspirational and amazingly helpful. I would highly recommend everyone to subscribe now to keep in touch with this amazing resource… much better than visiting once and never finding it again which is what most of you probably do…
– Arun’s Mum

Actually i lie! My mum is not a subscriber. But I’d imagine that’s what she would say if she did subscribe… and approved of us unschooling our children… well even approved of us homeschooling… and was not extremely concerned by our parenting approach… and for that matter if i ever got the guts enough to tell her about this web site in the first place… hmmmm.

Well subscribe anyway

Anyway i better keep packing boxing… Im moving house again in two weeks (seriously).

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A new year. A period when people are generally open to reflection and new resolutions. Where there is often a break from the busyness of business and time to sit with ourselves and our life. Where there is a moment to choose priorities, direction and who we are being for the coming year.

A time ripe with potential, opportunity and new beginnings… an important moment indeed! In fact its way too important to waste it with my own words! So I’ve decided to go with something many of you might have already seen. Its over ten years old and I still feel like I should read it daily to help keep me on track (thanks to Pat for reposting it on some lists that I lurk on):

IF I HAD MY CHILD TO RAISE ALL OVER AGAIN

If I had my child to raise all over again,

I’d finger-paint more and point the finger less.

I’d do less correcting and more connecting.

I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less and know to care more.

I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.

I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I’d run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I’d do more hugging and less tugging.

I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.

I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I’d teach less about the love of power,

And more about the power of love.

By Diane Loomans, from the book, Full Esteem Ahead, 100 Ways to Build Self Esteem in Children & Adults.

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We have just helped to initiate a new Homeschool group for people based around Mullumbimby, Brunswick Heads, Byron Bay and Northern NSW (that’s in Australia in case you were wondering…).

Byron Homeschoolers involves unschoolers but is diverse and broad incorporating a variety of parenting & homeschooling approaches.

If you are in the area or planning to move here (ive included a pic of brunswick river to help tempt you…) then visit the Byron Homeschoolers web site here.

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I dont remember much of the movie Jurassic Park, but I remember that scene. The raptors are small, meat (ie people) eating, vicious dinosaurs and they are loose in the base… i think the script went something like:

guy: (loads gun) so there are only two raptors right? The third one is contained.

woman: yes… that is… unless they have learnt how to open doors

Scene cuts to another room – close up of door handle turning and raptor walks through door

I have to admit that this scene was the first thing that popped into my head the other day when 20 month old Z managed to open the fridge door by himself for the first time. I thought of the glass bottles at the bottom shelf; of the things that would thaw out while he inspected the yet unexplored new area of his domain; and of how control of my world just slipped away slightly more…

“Oh shit… its a Jurassic Park moment” said my brain.

It was up to a day later before I was able to tackle that response. What did I really witness – a problem or a special moment for my child?

I had to consciously remind myself that Z was growing; that life was changing; that he was learning and becoming more independent. I had to remind myself of the joy in his face at being able to impact on his world just that little bit more. I had to remind myself to not be such a bloody control freak and as our daughter often tells us, “take a chill pill”.

So as I work on rearranging our fridge and my brain to make them both more “Z friendly”, I can start to see what is happening from a different perspective. Rather than an inconvenience and “break in containment”, I realise that it is time to take joy in Z’s development and new discoveries. It’s time for me to support his new exploration rather than fearing it.

Its time for me to leave my Jurassic Park moments where they belong… in the past.

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Sick of the dillema? Not sure whether to pass on the baby clothes yet? Finally here at the Parenting Pit we have established a scientific, fool proof method of determining how many chlldren you should have. Simply fill in the following information:

STAGE ONE – ESTABLISHING VARIABLES

Assign values to the variables below by following the instructions:

• Baggage Variable (B) – the number of times per week that you tell yourself “that’s Mum’s/ Dad’s fault”, divided by the Personal Development Variant which is the number of therapy sessions, self help books or courses you have enrolled in over the last 6 months… and no, talk back radio does not count
• Emotional Capacity Variable (E) – track the average number of hours between when you do any of the following: shout in anger; kick furniture or other passive objects; or head butt someone
• Finances Variable (F) – your current monthly surplus.
• Gender Envy Variable (G) – if you currently have child/ children of one gender only, identify on a scale of 0 to 10 how much you would like a child of the other gender; where 0 is ‘could not care less’ and 10 is ‘you have considered kidnapping your neighbours child’ (if 10 please provide your full address and the phone number of your local police station)
• Ecological Foot Print Variable (P) – rank yourself from 0 to 10 where 0 is a gus guzzling, oil loving, hippie hating devotee and 10 is a tree hugging, crunchy greenie. Multiply this by your current electricity usage is Watts and your petrol consumption in litres per week.
• Partner Responsibility Variable (R) – (if single skip this variable) start with the number 10, then minus 1 for every one of the following things that would die if you left them with your current partner for an entire year: a cockroach; a cactus plant; a pot plant; a pet mouse; a pet dog; an 89 year old person. If your partner is male minus another 2.
• Support Variable (S) – the number of people, including partners, that you could successfully call on to cook a meal with 24 hours notice, divide this by the number of times someone checked your mail and put out your rubbish the last time you went on holiday for over a week.
• Time Variable (T) – the number of hours that you currently spend: watching TV programs of your choice; having baths alone; reading books alone; seeing movies of your choice plus the time you spend awake in silence per week.

STAGE TWO – THE CALCULATION

Then simply run the numbers through the following formula:

STAGE THREE – THE LAST BIT

Now that you have done that warm up exercise, throw away your answer… get a dice, and start rolling it. Keep rolling until you get a number that feels right… and that is the answer!

See its easy. Having applied this calculation to myself I know without question and with absolute certainty that two children are the optimum, balanced and ideal number for my situation and current circumstances… well that is except for the days that its three…

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Some good friends MM&W just emailed us one of the most tacky, inane, time wasting and plain old silly christmas web gimmicks that I have seen for ages…

so of course we had to have a go too… click this link to see us get elfed and then follow the options to do your own.

If you do your own, be sure to put in the link to your elf dance in the comments to this post so we can elf together

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That is what I yelled out to my family as we drove down a street in Launceston, Tasmania and saw the creature pictured left. It seemed like all my family, even my 19 month old son, rolled their eyes as Anne politely pointed out, “It’s a llama.”

I still argue that the car was moving fast, the sun was in my eyes and on certain angles it did look like a giant, strategically shaven poodle… well maybe not. Anyway we later found out that it was an alpaca, so it seems everyone can make a mistake

As well as being slightly embarassed it got me thinking about one of the most common reactions when I mention that we are homeschooling.

A common fearful mantra seems to be:

I can’t homeschool… I just don’t know enough!

As can be seen from this post… I actually know very, very little. In fact most of the stuff I do know is factually incorrect and undervalued… that is until “obscure nerdy sci fi trivia” comes back into fashion (it will happen and I will be ready!).

Before you report me to some government agency, let me tell you how I manage to live life knowing very little, be a happy homeschooling parent and sleep soundly at night.

Quite simply it is because we do not “school at home”. Some do and that is an option for homeschoolers – however we prefer the natural learning or unschooling approach.

This means that we are not aiming to “teach”. We do not have to know all the answers… instead we aim to assist the learning that we know our children can and are doing all the time.

In part we can model this and have the opportunity to reignite our own curiousity and passions. To try to live with the same open and curious outlook as our children. What a great thing for our children to see us embark on new projects or fields of interest. To see us fail, make mistakes, ask questions, persist and always learn.

In this context, what we know is nothing compared to our ability to be curious and to learn. As Isaac Asimov put it:

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not ‘Eureka!’ (I’ve found it!), but ‘That’s funny…’

In terms of what we do with our children, at their relatively early age it largely involves chilling out and helping to expose them to new ideas, experiences, things and people. To help them see what is out there in all of its many forms without attachment to learning outcomes, just valuing diversity and experience.

So when we went to the night telescope viewing of the stars and M looked at it for five minutes then spent the rest of the time rolling down the hill… it meant relaxing into her exploring each experience on her terms and really valuing that.

Then as our children age, mature in themselves and in their interests our role will shift to helping to support and facilitate them pursuing their interests and passions.

A minor example happened earlier this year when we were living in a house with a very large and exotic garden. M kept asking about the flowers and plants to which I would consistently shrug my shoulders.

We might have borrowed a book from the library, we might have googled some images… but in this case we did my favourite option – we found someone knowledgable and (even better) passionate about the topic. It was the gardener who came once a month and who we organised to stay for 30 minutes extra one day.

M spent the time walking around the garden with her asking all of the questions we could not answer.

With such experiences M is learning that she can learn whatever she wants to learn for no other reason than because she wants too. How much richer than what too often happens in school when children must learn to be taught what a teacher wants kids to learn to pass a test to prove that they are learning.

Hmmm… that seemed clearer in my head. Must be getting confused with all the space in there.

Well I’ll leave it to M to sum up. I was chatting about this very topic to Anne and discussing the pressure parents put themselves under when homeschooling. M overheard and said, “that’s silly… all they need to do is have fun!”

We have so much to learn

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A while back Anne popped into an Australian Geographic shop while waiting for a movie (about the only one she saw the whole year). She did not buy anything but filled out a competition slip… and she won a weeks holiday to Tasmania!!!

So a huge thanks to Australian Geographic and Tourism Tasmania (and of course Anne!!!) for our much appreciated week in that beautiful part of the world. From the forests, the appeal of Launceston & Hobart and the joys of the chocolate factory (which was not like Willy Wonka’s but still fun).

Cradle Mountain was amazing with the Platypus in the river, the wombats wandering around near our cabin and the wallabies absolutely everywhere. We did not get to see a Tasmanian Devil which are under great risk of extinction due to a disease in their population. The area we stayed is protected but there is an ongoing campaign to save Tas forests and stop a the pulp mill proposal there.

Perhaps most memorable for me was the wealth of wombat info we discovered (that’s a wombat in the pic below by the way). They are the only animals in the world to do square poos! They also have extra thick cartilage in their bums which are used for defensive and offensive purposes.

Apparently a favoured trick is to go into their tunnel, lie low and wait for a predator (eg a dingo) to follow. Then they push up using their “super bum” and squash the poor sucker on the roof of the tunnel. They also seem so sleepy and chilled out, the ones we saw looked like they had just woken up… always. But apparently they can run up to 40km/ hr (almost the speed limit in many local towns!).

Anyway… here are some pics.

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A SPECIAL POST BECAUSE THE PARENTING PIT IS ONE YEAR OLD TODAY!!!

Ironically if I stumbled upon a site like this just three year ago, I would have ignored it at best and written an abusive email at worst. Somewhere in between that three year and one year mark, I went through a major parenting overhaul… a pit stop of grand proportions if you like.

My journey has had countless sources of inspiration and guidance: All the BUS gang: but especially Anna & Maree; The Authors: especially Rue Kream; The egroup writers: especially Pat of Consensual Living, Danielle of Always Unschooled, Ren & Joyce of UnschoolingBasics and many others…

But the people who I really should thank… the ones that helped me see what was possible… two mentors who have patiently guided me through my nutty and doubtful moments – they are M & Z, our children.

So to mark a year of the Parenting Pit and to acknowledge the greatest inspiration behind my massive parenting and personal shifts, I wanted to make a list…

FIVE LESSONS FROM MY CHILDREN

1. THAT TRUST IS A TICKET TO JOY

The photo (right) was taken last monday around 11am. That’s Z running with nappy & gum boots down the lane along side M in her pajamas on the bike.

The old me would have said “you can’t do that” and constructed countless arguments and ramifications for such actions because I had so many attachments to “shoulds” and fears of “what ifs”. This time watching them made me smile from the inside out as M & Z have assisted me in an the ongoing process of letting go and embracing trust.

2. THAT LIFE IS FULL OF WONDER

We have taken the kids to see dolphins, whales, kangaroos & koalas. We have travelled around Australia and even to the US with them and seen beautiful things.

Yet I was reminded of the wonder all around us all the time when Z recently watched an earth worm crawling about in the gutter just outside our house. He pointed, he stood with bated breath, he laughed… he was engaged and amazed. For him life is surprising and wonderful – every single bit of it. Im not just learning to stop and smell the roses… but to stop and stare at the earth worms.

3. THAT EVERY MOMENT IS A CELEBRATION

I was reminded of this days ago. We were preparing to go on holiday and Anne & I were very focused on getting jobs done and cleaning the house before we left. M decided that it would be more fun to have a “cleaning dress up party”.

Anne & I did not stop working but soon found ourselves adorned by M’s dress up clothes. That’s me with a tutu around my neck, Z’s funky trousers on my head and a shall over my shoulders. It was what M insisted I wore while vacuuming. Anne got away with a golden hat and Z was dressed as an “Indian pirate”…

4. HOW TO LEARN… HOW TO GROW

I realise now that children are experts. Sure they are experts in sucking (from day one), pooing and sleeping (well maybe not sleeping in our case). But they are also experts in learning and growing. It is what they do and the amount of new information they process and change they go through is mind blowing.

Watching M & Z develop so rapidly and embark on such steep learning curves has highlighted what at times is my own stagnation and rut like thinking. As I continue to get older I can only strive to be even slightly as open, able to grow and learn as they are.

5. THE EXHILARATION OF DEEP CONNECTION

I am talking about the moments where your ego seems to drop away, where the self obsession fades and you are able to be. The moments where your love, openness and compassion manage to take yourself out of yourself… and you are able to connect with someone.

I had experienced this with my partner & lover Anne in time BC (before children)… also at the homebirth of both M & Z. But I continue to find those moments in the most unexpected places – lying down getting to sleep with Z when he suddenly insists on sleeping on my head. Walking along with M talking about nothing and everything and holding hands.

In what is often an alienated and self obsessed world, this level of connection can almost be addictive and it is something I now look too more & more with my children, with Anne and in my relationships more generally.

So they are my five lessons… many more which I have not mentioned like “how to make your self hysterical on a trampoline”, “how to dance and sing every day” etc etc..

What about you? Whether you add your comment here or post something to a blog if you have one – I hope that this motivates you to share something that you have learnt from your children..

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