Comments on: Parenting is Making My Brain Hurt http://theparentingpit.com alternative parenting | conscious living | unschooling Sun, 20 Jul 2008 17:13:03 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.1 By: arun http://theparentingpit.com/alternative-parenting/solutions-are-not-the-solution/#comment-66326 arun Thu, 24 Apr 2008 14:14:24 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/alternative-parenting/solutions-are-not-the-solution/#comment-66326 I appreciate what you are saying CZ... i find myself explaining my approach in almost justificational terms to family when M in particular is having a melt down. Its though im concerned about her being judged and me by association because I refuse to curtail it or stop her. One of the things that attracted me to my partner anne is that when i met her i noticed that she dances like no one is watching. She goes into her own world and gets into her groove. Very cool to watch :) I still cant dance like that but i do try to "parent like no one is watching"... and just find my own groove. Really but when the focus is on connecting with my kids rather than being concerned about others judging us, it seems totally right. I appreciate what you are saying CZ… i find myself explaining my approach in almost justificational terms to family when M in particular is having a melt down. Its though im concerned about her being judged and me by association because I refuse to curtail it or stop her.

One of the things that attracted me to my partner anne is that when i met her i noticed that she dances like no one is watching. She goes into her own world and gets into her groove. Very cool to watch :)

I still cant dance like that but i do try to “parent like no one is watching”… and just find my own groove. Really but when the focus is on connecting with my kids rather than being concerned about others judging us, it seems totally right.

]]> By: CZ http://theparentingpit.com/alternative-parenting/solutions-are-not-the-solution/#comment-66238 CZ Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:14:43 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/alternative-parenting/solutions-are-not-the-solution/#comment-66238 I agree with what you're saying and am also working toward the aware parenting style. I'm just wondering how you can do it in certain environments? For me, the co-op market in town is extremely challenging. My kids get very wild there, and I am very self-conscious there because I usually know half the people there (small town). They all seem to be so calm, mellow and 'together' with their kids and MUST know how to parent, or their kids are just much more docile than mine...Anyway, no matter what, it seems we have some sort of crisis when we're there. I get so nervous going there, and I am sure that plays into it, yet sometimes I still go there because we're hungry and it's the store we're nearest. It's so much easier to be at a place where I'm anonymous when eruptions happen! What do you do when your child is having an outburst when you're around people you know? I know you're probably wondering why I even care what everyone thinks? I guess I just know I'm not handling things as well as I'd like. That's the biggest hurdle... I agree with what you’re saying and am also working toward the aware parenting style. I’m just wondering how you can do it in certain environments? For me, the co-op market in town is extremely challenging. My kids get very wild there, and I am very self-conscious there because I usually know half the people there (small town). They all seem to be so calm, mellow and ‘together’ with their kids and MUST know how to parent, or their kids are just much more docile than mine…Anyway, no matter what, it seems we have some sort of crisis when we’re there. I get so nervous going there, and I am sure that plays into it, yet sometimes I still go there because we’re hungry and it’s the store we’re nearest. It’s so much easier to be at a place where I’m anonymous when eruptions happen!

What do you do when your child is having an outburst when you’re around people you know? I know you’re probably wondering why I even care what everyone thinks? I guess I just know I’m not handling things as well as I’d like. That’s the biggest hurdle…

]]> By: KC http://theparentingpit.com/alternative-parenting/solutions-are-not-the-solution/#comment-38655 KC Thu, 28 Feb 2008 14:40:54 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/alternative-parenting/solutions-are-not-the-solution/#comment-38655 I really love this article you wrote. I'm a mother of a very sensitive middle daughter (4.5) and the hardest thing I find is trying not to fix her unhappiness, or expect it to be over quickly and her to move on. It's definitely a challenge to just be aware and sit with her feelings, especially since life happens so fast with three children aged 3, 4.5 and 6. I still have a long way to go to not try to stop or even hurry up her processing of her upset. Though she's been improving greatly since a year ago, I find it's when I try to stop or hurry her up that the meltdowns last a lot longer. But I've also found through trial and error, that keeping her blood sugar more stable with frequent small meals with protein-rich foods, the intensity and length of her anger and meltdowns are dramatically shorter. So that helps too. Before we were having multiple daily upsets, and now it's not as bad. I will be looking around your blog for more great insights! I really love this article you wrote. I’m a mother of a very sensitive middle daughter (4.5) and the hardest thing I find is trying not to fix her unhappiness, or expect it to be over quickly and her to move on. It’s definitely a challenge to just be aware and sit with her feelings, especially since life happens so fast with three children aged 3, 4.5 and 6. I still have a long way to go to not try to stop or even hurry up her processing of her upset. Though she’s been improving greatly since a year ago, I find it’s when I try to stop or hurry her up that the meltdowns last a lot longer. But I’ve also found through trial and error, that keeping her blood sugar more stable with frequent small meals with protein-rich foods, the intensity and length of her anger and meltdowns are dramatically shorter. So that helps too. Before we were having multiple daily upsets, and now it’s not as bad.

I will be looking around your blog for more great insights!

]]> By: lynn http://theparentingpit.com/alternative-parenting/solutions-are-not-the-solution/#comment-6806 lynn Sun, 02 Dec 2007 15:34:25 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/alternative-parenting/solutions-are-not-the-solution/#comment-6806 We are having similar adventures and are now embarking into the multidimensional realm of sibling issues (there are now 4) and unschooling hostile relatives. Truly feels like the Odyssey! Glad to know there are fellow travellers! We are having similar adventures and are now embarking into the multidimensional realm of sibling issues (there are now 4) and unschooling hostile relatives. Truly feels like the Odyssey! Glad to know there are fellow travellers!

]]> By: Ben http://theparentingpit.com/alternative-parenting/solutions-are-not-the-solution/#comment-2732 Ben Mon, 08 Oct 2007 23:14:56 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/alternative-parenting/solutions-are-not-the-solution/#comment-2732 Great message! Swallowing the Red Pill is only the first step, waking up and maintaining that commitment in light of the "new way of doing/seeing things" is the hardest part. It does seem to get better the more you do it though. I have been learning to "actively listen" to my partner to improve our relationship and while my old Mr. FixIt hat still gets pulled out, I am starting to be able to just hold it in my hands while listening to her. It does seem to be getting easier to do the more it works, and it definitely works better the more I do it! Great message! Swallowing the Red Pill is only the first step, waking up and maintaining that commitment in light of the “new way of doing/seeing things” is the hardest part. It does seem to get better the more you do it though.

I have been learning to “actively listen” to my partner to improve our relationship and while my old Mr. FixIt hat still gets pulled out, I am starting to be able to just hold it in my hands while listening to her.

It does seem to be getting easier to do the more it works, and it definitely works better the more I do it!

]]> By: Kathryn http://theparentingpit.com/alternative-parenting/solutions-are-not-the-solution/#comment-2033 Kathryn Fri, 07 Sep 2007 00:32:37 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/alternative-parenting/solutions-are-not-the-solution/#comment-2033 Another great read Arun - I only wish I could connect with families with similar ideologies in my local area!! Thanking you for sharing, Kathryn Another great read Arun -

I only wish I could connect with families with similar ideologies in my local area!!

Thanking you for sharing,

Kathryn

]]> By: Claire http://theparentingpit.com/alternative-parenting/solutions-are-not-the-solution/#comment-590 Claire Sat, 02 Jun 2007 11:05:57 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/alternative-parenting/solutions-are-not-the-solution/#comment-590 My head hurts too. It's the effort of reorganising all that mental furniture. But it FEELS like the right thing to do, so lets 'go for the burn' until we are fit. :-) I am enjoying your work. Thank you. My head hurts too. It’s the effort of reorganising all that mental furniture. But it FEELS like the right thing to do, so lets ‘go for the burn’ until we are fit. :-)

I am enjoying your work. Thank you.

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