Comments on: 5 Reasons to Stop Saying “Good Job!”

By: Naomi

Naomi — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 16:33:56 +0000

I wish there was a site on how to re-parent yourself.

My seemingly-constant need to for praise, approval, you name it, is awful. You’re absolutely right, as an adult I’m now addicted to people noticing and telling me what a good job I’ve done, and I feel depressed when no one notices what a good job I’ve done. And I feel like I need praise and reassurance in order to accomplish challenging tasks. It’s a horrible way to live life - I’ve hated so many jobs because I felt that my bosses didn’t care about my efforts at being the best employee I could be (ie. they never acknowledged/praised my efforts), when that should never have been one of my (subconscious) reasons for doing my best in the first place.

Anyway at least you’ve made me aware of how to not give my kid the same issues I have. Thanks for taking the time to write such concise, clear, reasons.

By: Bethany

Bethany — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 21:50:37 +0000

I started reading this article thinking “I wholeheartedly disagree.” But by the time I finished reading it, I was thinking “yeah-actually that really makes sense!” Thanks for sharing.

By: scott

scott — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 15:55:52 +0000

this progressive style of teaching will be the end of our country very soon.. our kids are getting completely soft, lazy, and spoiled because there is no discipline or guidelines anymore.. just hugs and smiles.. meanwhile China is educating their kids with focus and order.. at least we will be dumb and happy when they take us over.. thanks alfie!

By: Beckie

Beckie — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:42:49 +0000

I have witnessed some “overpraising” that I found amusing…and highly irritating.
Once I was in a bathroom at a restaurant and heard a woman with a young child in one of the stalls. She was praising the child for using the potty. “oh Steven! I am so proud of you! Look what you did! You used the potty. Good Job! I am just so so very proud and happy!” This went on and on and ON.
I wondered if this child would ever be able to pee without an approving audience.

Another example was witnessing a child using an abacus toy at the public library.The child lined up all the beads and looked up. His mother had stepped away so the child took the toy to the librarian. “look what I did! I lined up all the beads. Didn’t I do a good job?”
This child had to have been 8 years old. I wondered if he had something wrong with him.

I see these as examples of overpraise.
That said…I do believe in praise. I think that children benefit from knowing that you saw and appreciate a job well done.
I am not saying you should praise for every little thing. But being honest about your own feelings and pride in their development is a good thing and beneficial to both of you.
I appreciate praise! (don’t need it for a potty well done) But I like to feel that I have been of benefit. I am also a very thankful person quick with a thank you and an oftentime lavish good job for a service done for me.

so, I guess I am saying…I agree with this article. And I disagree with the thought that no praise is better.

Love your blog. Thank you for being open about your journey.

By: Angela

Angela — Wed, 07 May 2008 19:28:05 +0000

Heh. Did I really say “nice job?” I must have meant “good writing!” Sheesh.

By: Angela

Angela — Wed, 07 May 2008 19:27:26 +0000

I’m late on this, but this is such a wonderful article. I can’t say how many times people have asked me what I have against praise, and my answer is usually, “um, well, you know, uh…” Now I have a better answer. (”Go read this post.”)

Thank you! And nice job.

By: Poonam Kurani

Poonam Kurani — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 17:12:57 +0000

Hi Arun,

Its great feeling to come across a blog of an Indian (i guess…name Arun?) on unschooling.

Have u ever come to India, r u kids growing up with Indian Culture and traditions…just wld like to know!

I loved this post of urs. I have just begun scratching the subject of unschooling, with my son…Veer -3 yrs.

In Mumbai, kids have begun going to a systematic schooling at a young age of 1.5yrs…i was a party to this until i broke free this year, after a lot of internal turmoil abt unschooling withing homeschooling.

My blog is in a very amature stage! awaiting ur comments.

Inviting u to b my friend, philosopher and guide. Want to benifit out of ur experience.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 21:53:23 +0000

I think that many of you parents who are so hung up on this article shold also read the rebuttle… I am a nanny for a wonderful 4 year old boy and realize that praise (and discipline) along with having realistic expectations, are necessary for teaching right and wrong and appropriate behaviors . I feel bad for the kids who are no longer going to hear “good job” because one “expert” had said it is bad. I believe in raising your kids with your heart and going with what you feel is right, no one can really tell you how to raise YOUR child. Anyway, the opposing article, which has good points and in fact agrees with Kohn in some aspects is “A Not So Good Job with “Good Job” A Response to Kohn 2001″ by Phillip S. Strain and Gail E. Joseph Hope you take a look!

By: geoff

geoff — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 03:58:14 +0000

i always thought praise was (good ) ironic!
im a dad whos big on praise but after reading this my perception is now re-alined regarding manipulation consiously and unconsiously. It is true, that when i give praise i’m elvating my ego and giving myself a temporary feel good at the expense of the childrens values, principals,morals and beleifs, i know myself better through how i guide the children
awsome artical very enlightning.

By: Ann

Ann — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 08:25:03 +0000

Fantastic article! Very easy to read and understand. I can’t tell you how many times I have printed this out to share with other parents that I know! It has really helped my relationship with my two year old son flourish and we have such a strong bond between us. When you live in a world where every breath a child takes is praised to death and where their actions make up who they are with every ‘Good boy/Girl!’ following it - it is so refreshing to read something much more positive on the subject. It makes so much sense! I can now sit back and smile to myself and both my son and I are very proud to hold this little secret.