When the ‘Yes’ does not fool anyone
arun on Oct 08 2008 at 2:04 pm | Filed under: 2 to 4 year old, control & connection, family diary, laugh | Click here to go HOME | or find out about SUBSCRIBING TO THE PIT |
I’ve written a few posts about our attempts to “find the ‘Yes’” in situations with our children. I had a recent reminder that some of my ‘Yesses’ are still not making the grade.
Z (2 years) has been waking up around 5am for the last few months which Anne & I are finding very challenging. On one of these occasions Anne had to get early to do some work.
I was still half asleep in bed and I could hear her tell Z: “go ask Dad to read you this book.”
The little footsteps drew closer than peering over me, a book suddenly resting on my head, the cute voice came: “Dadda. You read me this book?”
Barely conscious I replied, “Yes sure. But first sit next to me and play with your van for a few minutes, I’ll have a quick sleep then I’ll read you the book.” (he has a van which he often contently puts dolls in and out of for an hour at a time).
I closed my eyes and heard him jump off the bed and the steps recede… I assumed he was going to get more toys to put on the bed.
Then his voice floated in from outside, “Mama…”
“Yes?” Anne replied.
“Dadda said no. Will you read me this book?”
It seems my ‘yesses’ still need some work!
this sounds somewhat familiar in my house…. my husband says, “yes, in a few minutes…..”
my daughter’s translation, “no”
i think there must be something about action, first thing in the morning, to “prove” it is a yes?
Ah, but it isn’t simply a yes. It is a conditional yes, and children don’t want conditional answers. They want answers. A ‘no’ would have been more honest. Children are delightfully honest until we teach them how honesty isn’t valued.
‘No, I’m tired and not quite awake. But I will read it to you later if you can wait. Maybe you can play while you wait.’
Mum could say something similar, rather than suggesting the child go to dad, especially if she knows dad isn’t really available…
What is likely to happen? The child won’t get the story read. The child will have to wait. That’s okay. Children are normally very reasonable about these things. Adults need space to work, relax, sleep, etc. Children are okay about these things if it is explained to them and adults behave consistently.
Maybe we all need to work on our ‘nos’ – how to say them without feeling that we’re letting someone down, or they might miss out, or we might miss out, or whatever.
hugs
Beverley
I really valued Beverley’s comments, thanks so much as it gives me another insight on how to better respond to our daughter Jasmine’s needs. We are more aware of our ‘no’s’ and ‘just a min’ responses lately as she is now becoming interested in so many more things. Warmly, Shaz