Comments on: Sibling Fights and Ditching the Detective http://theparentingpit.com/2008/06/27/sibling-fights-and-ditching-the-detective/ alternative parenting | conscious living | unschooling Fri, 05 Dec 2008 13:53:44 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.1 By: Jennifer http://theparentingpit.com/2008/06/27/sibling-fights-and-ditching-the-detective/#comment-110364 Jennifer Thu, 03 Jul 2008 17:30:49 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2008/06/27/sibling-fights-and-ditching-the-detective/#comment-110364 This is so true! I was truly puzzled whysometimes when I "helped" my kids work things out I made things worse, and sometimes when I didn't things got worse and I felt neglectful. I'm just starting to see that it is subtle and requires me to be in tune with the situation and their relationship. Much of the time I still get it wrong, but I'm learning:) This is so true! I was truly puzzled whysometimes when I “helped” my kids work things out I made things worse, and sometimes when I didn’t things got worse and I felt neglectful. I’m just starting to see that it is subtle and requires me to be in tune with the situation and their relationship. Much of the time I still get it wrong, but I’m learning:)

]]> By: Happy@Home | Reminder: 1 http://theparentingpit.com/2008/06/27/sibling-fights-and-ditching-the-detective/#comment-108101 Happy@Home | Reminder: 1 Sun, 29 Jun 2008 22:19:40 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2008/06/27/sibling-fights-and-ditching-the-detective/#comment-108101 [...] have reproduced, here, a comment to Arun’s post on dealing with sibling fighting, as a reminder to myself to work on what I worked out whilst reading his post about careful [...] […] have reproduced, here, a comment to Arun’s post on dealing with sibling fighting, as a reminder to myself to work on what I worked out whilst reading his post about careful […]

]]> By: Sally http://theparentingpit.com/2008/06/27/sibling-fights-and-ditching-the-detective/#comment-108082 Sally Sun, 29 Jun 2008 22:05:01 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2008/06/27/sibling-fights-and-ditching-the-detective/#comment-108082 I know what you are saying is so true, and it really works. I found it incredibly useful as a teacher, but find it hard to stick to with my own children. It doesn't seem to be culturally natural for me and when I'm stretched out, it is particularly difficult to be compassionate rather than irritated. However, my irritation usually relates to my sense of responsibility regarding having to 'sort out' something I have little control over (after all, I'm in someone else's business). If I could get, once and for all, beyond feeling responsible for sorting their relationship and fights ... then maybe I could avoid blame and unhelpful interventions! Another part of it for me is an irrationally aggressive gut reaction to seeing spiteful aggression! I am so down on 'spite' and resentment. I'm outlawing feelings ... and that makes no sense at all! I wonder why it is that spite/resentment/grudge holding press so many emotive buttons for me? Ironically, my reaction to spite, resentment and grudge holding subtly (or blatantly!) takes the form of ... yes, you guessed it ... spite, resentment and grudge holding! Maybe I need to learn to accept these feelings, and be more compassionate to myself and my children when they appear. After all, it doesn't feel nice to feel those things ... so compassion is surely due. Let the bad feeling out and the good floods in. Deny the bad feelings and they just seem to grow in the dark. Thanks for his post Arun. I know what you are saying is so true, and it really works. I found it incredibly useful as a teacher, but find it hard to stick to with my own children. It doesn’t seem to be culturally natural for me and when I’m stretched out, it is particularly difficult to be compassionate rather than irritated. However, my irritation usually relates to my sense of responsibility regarding having to ’sort out’ something I have little control over (after all, I’m in someone else’s business). If I could get, once and for all, beyond feeling responsible for sorting their relationship and fights … then maybe I could avoid blame and unhelpful interventions!
Another part of it for me is an irrationally aggressive gut reaction to seeing spiteful aggression! I am so down on ’spite’ and resentment. I’m outlawing feelings … and that makes no sense at all! I wonder why it is that spite/resentment/grudge holding press so many emotive buttons for me? Ironically, my reaction to spite, resentment and grudge holding subtly (or blatantly!) takes the form of … yes, you guessed it … spite, resentment and grudge holding! Maybe I need to learn to accept these feelings, and be more compassionate to myself and my children when they appear. After all, it doesn’t feel nice to feel those things … so compassion is surely due. Let the bad feeling out and the good floods in. Deny the bad feelings and they just seem to grow in the dark.
Thanks for his post Arun.

]]> By: Chrissy http://theparentingpit.com/2008/06/27/sibling-fights-and-ditching-the-detective/#comment-107853 Chrissy Sun, 29 Jun 2008 12:41:19 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2008/06/27/sibling-fights-and-ditching-the-detective/#comment-107853 I love watching my kids relationship blossom without corruption from me. A huge part of it is knowing when to just leave them alone to sort it out. If they need my help they ask... "MUM Jimi is going crazy now I need you now" or "we are working it out ourselves with our bodies mum". I love watching my kids relationship blossom without corruption from me. A huge part of it is knowing when to just leave them alone to sort it out. If they need my help they ask… “MUM Jimi is going crazy now I need you now” or “we are working it out ourselves with our bodies mum”.

]]> By: jayne http://theparentingpit.com/2008/06/27/sibling-fights-and-ditching-the-detective/#comment-107340 jayne Sat, 28 Jun 2008 06:18:40 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2008/06/27/sibling-fights-and-ditching-the-detective/#comment-107340 I have 4 older children than you and I tend to do the "let them work it out" approach. It works well generally although occasionally the younger ones need some help. I like your idea of a no blame approach though. I have 4 older children than you and I tend to do the “let them work it out” approach. It works well generally although occasionally the younger ones need some help.

I like your idea of a no blame approach though.

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