A Must for Every Homeschooler/ Unschooler
arun on Jan 16 2008 at 7:22 am | Filed under: *favourites*, homeschooling, laugh, unschooling | Click here to go HOME | or find out about SUBSCRIBING TO THE PIT |
Here at the Parenting Pit we are working on a range of products to make your homeschooling/ unschooling journey a blissful haven (you know… like the ones you read about on all those egroups!). Take a sneak peak at some of the products soon available:
THE FREAK OUT FILE
For mild to medium freak outs, gather favourite articles, quotes and references in this genuine imitation leather folder. For extreme cases we highly recommend buying our “Anxious Unschooler Pack”, which consists of ten folders – one for every room of the house and the car. We highly recommend beginning the folder with a letter to yourself written during your more lucid moments which begins, “I am choosing to unschool because…” (comes with examples). Beautifully adorned with wise, soothing text inspired by the late Douglas Adams.
THE EMERGENCY BOX
When you are really losing the plot and about to send the kids to boarding school, its time to purchase our “Emergency Box”. Break the glass and get an emergency copy of Rue Kream’s book, “Parenting a Free Child”. Not only will Rue’s compassionate wisdom help soothe your soul but breaking the glass with a small hammer is surprisingly cathartic, liberating and loads of fun.
THE BRAIN FILTER
While it might look like a normal sponge… and feel like a normal sponge… and work like a normal sponge. Well yes ok, it is a normal sponge! But this sponge has been treated with our patented “foot out of mouth fluid”, a secret blend of herbs, spices and anti freeze that transforms it into an effective brain filter.
Simply place between brain and mouth via the left nostril (tongs not included) and the Brain Filter will immediately delay your thoughts from reaching your mouth by 4 seconds. Time enough to reconsider those ill advised judgement statements such as the classic, “stop playing bloody world of bloody warcraft, get off that couch and go and learn the god damn periodic table or something, anything!!!”
THE HOMESCHOOLERS CARD
For those times when you dare take your school aged child out in public during school hours but do not feel like patiently and compassionately answering the questions from curious or concerned onlookers. Simply smile and pass them “the card”. Choose from one of two approaches below (click on them to see larger versions:)
“GATTOMATIC PILLS” – DEHYDRATED JOHN GATTO CLONES
Perfect for those particularly pesky relatives or friends who are challenged by your decision and continue to strongly advocate the school system. We have successfully cloned John Taylor Gatto, New York Teacher of the year and eloquent critic of schools… we have also dehydrated him (them). When you find yourself in one of “those conversations”, simply pull out your Gattomatic pill, add water and make a hasty get away while the John Taylor Gatto clone takes over.
ACADEMIC TRANSLATOR
For those that unschool and yet have to report to some government agency… or the kids grandparents, why not buy our academic translator? simply say the activity that you have been pursuing (eg. blowing bubbles in the garden) and allow the translator to do its magic, in this case the results were: “todays lesson plan consisted of Chemistry, particularly working with the results of the saponification process from sodium and potassium fatty acid salts; Physics, examing surfactants and the Marangoni effect on liquid surface tension. A side experiment of light wave interference patterns from solar sources through viscous air borne fluids was also pursued.”
Stay tuned for prices and shipping details. In the mean time please add your comments, including any further suggestions for our Research and Development team below.
I’ll take one of each, please.
This is priceless Arun! I hate waiting for your new posts (I’m very impatient) but then they’re always so good I’m forced to admit they’re worth the wait.
Truly Brilliant!
Oh, and I’ll take about 200 of each of the cards and one of those translators.
And I concur with Colleen, definitely a post worth waiting for.
I can’t stop laughing! Those are great!!!!
[…] today I was reading Arun’s latest bit of genius from the Parenting Pit (thanks to Colleen who posted a link to it on her blog) and laughing myself […]
Ahhh, if only the Gattomatic pills were real. I’d buy a couple cases. LOL The folder idea isn’t too bad though.
I don’t have the kids yet, but I think I’ll get stocked up on these fantastic products
You made my day!
hee hee. send me one of those translators please.
Do you accept paypal????
I loved this items. Do you ship to the US?
LOL:)
I need the cards even thou my kids are 5 and 2.
Thanks for the laugh and ideas.
too funny and so on.
Thanks for the laughs and inspiration.
Are you accepting pre-orders on the sponge-thingy? I’m in dire need of one of those, pronto!
You are truly hilarious!
Hi
The other night I lost it with my kids over Runscape on the computer. I especially need the sponge thingy. This is awesome. Well done.
Geoff
Newcastle - NSW
P.S. For what it’s worth regarding the HSC/Uni thing. My wife had a great school experience and completed her HSC. She did not go to uni despite being made 2 offers. She delights in being at home with our 4 kids and is one of the most articulate and well read women I’ve ever known.
I on the other hand left school at year 10 after an horrendous experience. I now have a dpiloma, a degree, a graduate certificate and am just about to commence my masters. So much for getting your HSC so you can go to uni!
seriously, you should print up the cards!
ROFLMAO!!
I’ll take the Gattomatic pills, thanks!
I would recommend, “Insecurity Pill” that cures comparitivitis. Take one in the morning, one at night and you gain the confidence to tell the nosey &#$% to bug off…or, you can take the Christian version and tell them in “Love” of course!
I would love the translator..thanks!
Sharon
[…] Friday, January 18, 2008 by hattelatte ..that every homeschooling/unschooling/freeschooling family will need these. I’ll take the translator, the emergency journal and 5,000 cards, please! http://theparentingpit.com/2008/01/16/a-must-for-every-homeschooler-unschooler/ […]
I’m in for 200 of the cards!!! Searously…. print and sell them
Ok, I’ll take The Freak Out File, two cases of Sponges and I’m DEFINITELY putting in an order for the Academic Translator. HAHAHA (I am actually going to have to make my own freak out file now - brilliant idea lol. Too bad it doesn’t come in a cream like Head On
hiya, im a single homeschooler. in england and its fab my little boy also goes to steiner kindy which he adores. where are all the single home schooly type dads or wanna be dads?
love the site and the gadgets well done how do i send the link to other families?
ok gota go love bo :)*
Too perfect!
You might also offer the TPSY (Traditional Parenting Syndrome) Tonic and the PUPD (Periodic Unschooling Panic Disorder) Hydrocolonic.
Thanks for the chuckles.
I’ll take the translator. I need something that automatically records everything my boys do and puts it in a “curriculum” letter to the school board too. That’s the lamest part of my job.
Love your products!
OMG! I am in love with these products! lol!
wow! your website is such a great find for me…so when are your shipping your products again?
mom to neel 6 1/2 and leela 3
I am an Arun fan too now!
I posted this article on a site talking about unschooling!
http://citizen.nfb.ca/unschooling#comment-2072
Blowing bubbles certainly wouldn’t be the strangest thing my still (
) at school kids could do at PE. There’s running and breath controll. Hand-eye coordination development when you pop them. 
[…] is extracted from: the parenting pit - alternative parenting + unschooling ACADEMIC […]
OMGosh! I so need the academic translator. Can that be jacked into my brain for those moments when people are asking stupid questions and expecting a doctorial thesis to spew from my lips? I can never think of what to say at those times when I am being pestered by outsiders about our “absurd unschool ways”. *sigh* Thanks for the ideas and the laughs. Still giggling about the business cards. I think I will make some of those up! Hee hee.
I’ve read this before but it always makes me laugh…just the right medicine! Thanks Arun.
I’ve booked in to the plastic surgeon to have a pouch made up. How large should I ask the surgeon to make it?
Terry, Newcastle AU