Five Lessons From My Children
arun on Nov 21 2007 at 12:01 am | Filed under: *favourites*, 0 to 2 year old, 2 to 4 year old, 4 to 8 year old, control & connection, empowerment & trust, mindfulness, others wisdom, parenting, unschooling | Click here to go HOME | or find out about SUBSCRIBING TO THE PIT |
A SPECIAL POST BECAUSE THE PARENTING PIT IS ONE YEAR OLD TODAY!!! 
Ironically if I stumbled upon a site like this just three year ago, I would have ignored it at best and written an abusive email at worst. Somewhere in between that three year and one year mark, I went through a major parenting overhaul… a pit stop of grand proportions if you like.
My journey has had countless sources of inspiration and guidance: All the BUS gang: but especially Anna & Maree; The Authors: especially Rue Kream; The egroup writers: especially Pat of Consensual Living, Danielle of Always Unschooled, Ren & Joyce of UnschoolingBasics and many others…
But the people who I really should thank… the ones that helped me see what was possible… two mentors who have patiently guided me through my nutty and doubtful moments – they are M & Z, our children.
So to mark a year of the Parenting Pit and to acknowledge the greatest inspiration behind my massive parenting and personal shifts, I wanted to make a list…
FIVE LESSONS FROM MY CHILDREN
1. THAT TRUST IS A TICKET TO JOY
The photo (right) was taken last monday around 11am. That’s Z running with nappy & gum boots down the lane along side M in her pajamas on the bike.
The old me would have said “you can’t do that” and constructed countless arguments and ramifications for such actions because I had so many attachments to “shoulds” and fears of “what ifs”. This time watching them made me smile from the inside out as M & Z have assisted me in an the ongoing process of letting go and embracing trust.
2. THAT LIFE IS FULL OF WONDER
We have taken the kids to see dolphins, whales, kangaroos & koalas. We have travelled around Australia and even to the US with them and seen beautiful things.
Yet I was reminded of the wonder all around us all the time when Z recently watched an earth worm crawling about in the gutter just outside our house. He pointed, he stood with bated breath, he laughed… he was engaged and amazed. For him life is surprising and wonderful – every single bit of it. Im not just learning to stop and smell the roses… but to stop and stare at the earth worms.
3. THAT EVERY MOMENT IS A CELEBRATION
I was reminded of this days ago. We were preparing to go on holiday and Anne & I were very focused on getting jobs done and cleaning the house before we left. M decided that it would be more fun to have a “cleaning dress up party”.
Anne & I did not stop working but soon found ourselves adorned by M’s dress up clothes. That’s me with a tutu around my neck, Z’s funky trousers on my head and a shall over my shoulders. It was what M insisted I wore while vacuuming. Anne got away with a golden hat and Z was dressed as an “Indian pirate”…
4. HOW TO LEARN… HOW TO GROW
I realise now that children are experts. Sure they are experts in sucking (from day one), pooing and sleeping (well maybe not sleeping in our case). But they are also experts in learning and growing. It is what they do and the amount of new information they process and change they go through is mind blowing.
Watching M & Z develop so rapidly and embark on such steep learning curves has highlighted what at times is my own stagnation and rut like thinking. As I continue to get older I can only strive to be even slightly as open, able to grow and learn as they are.
5. THE EXHILARATION OF DEEP CONNECTION
I am talking about the moments where your ego seems to drop away, where the self obsession fades and you are able to be. The moments where your love, openness and compassion manage to take yourself out of yourself… and you are able to connect with someone.
I had experienced this with my partner & lover Anne in time BC (before children)… also at the homebirth of both M & Z. But I continue to find those moments in the most unexpected places – lying down getting to sleep with Z when he suddenly insists on sleeping on my head. Walking along with M talking about nothing and everything and holding hands.
In what is often an alienated and self obsessed world, this level of connection can almost be addictive and it is something I now look too more & more with my children, with Anne and in my relationships more generally.
So they are my five lessons… many more which I have not mentioned like “how to make your self hysterical on a trampoline”, “how to dance and sing every day” etc etc..
What about you? Whether you add your comment here or post something to a blog if you have one – I hope that this motivates you to share something that you have learnt from your children..
I have had the help to discover that NO PLANS are the best way to allow my child’s spontaneous and beautiful creativity to flourish. I have also had a fantastic little teacher in LETTING GO. My son can be crying over something that is really important to him and then 2 minutes later he has a pretend mouse running up his arm and he is in fits of laughter as he marvels at how much it tickles.
Happy Birthday to a great site! Thankyou!!!
[…] Truths We Learn From Our Children November 22, 2007 — Tammy Arun over at the parenting pit is celebrating his one year blog anniversary. Happy Blog Birthday […]
You should celebrate by reading “I’m in Charge of the Celebrations” by Byrd Baylor and Peter Parnall to celebrate… well every day.
I love that you always give me incentive to “let go,” to “relax and trust,” as I seem to have issues with being rigid and controlling LOL I think of your posts often throughout my day–like today when on a filed trip with our homeschooling group…my son darting ahead of me within the group on busy Los Angeles streets. Relax, Shawna **sigh** Trust, Shawna**breath** Breath, Shawna**remember this post**
Congratulations on achieving one year of The Parenting Pit. I enjoy checking in here as I find that you write with such a down-to-earth truthfulness that gives me hope that I too can break down my past conditioning and beliefs and become more in tune with my children (and assist my children in becoming more in tune with themselves) through the joys of unschooling. I can relate to so much that you talk about regarding your journey of parenting. Thank you Arun for sharing this with us.
Hugs,
Jacki (in Lismore)
What a lovely post! I like how you’ve summed it all up, and now it’s here for all of us to ponder and revisit. I, too, have enjoyed a profound metamorphosis on this unschooling journey and am learning to capture the moments more and more often. It’s such a free feeling!
Something I’ve been wanting to blog about, but haven’t formed my thoughts yet (and worry about offending), is how it’s like a light has turned on and now it’s harder to see others impose suffering (even -and especially - on themselves) when it doesn’t have to be like that.
As I grieved for the loss of my father, I went through my everyday motions on auto-pilot, emotionally shut off (or drawn within, more like it). As I emerged from my foggy grief, I realized I had done all the same things but with the usual accompanying angst and rush-rush and anxiety and grouchiness (etc, etc) - that was HUGE. I hate that something so huge and horrid was the catalyst for this realization, but if I dare say it, many, many beautiful things have revealed themselves to me as I grieve. It’s a mind-boggling, gut-wrenching, eye-opening, soul-reaching experience.
And holy-bat-confessions, how did I end up *here* in this comment? Phew - I’ll stop now.
Warmly,
L (piscesgrrl)
Ah shucks, that’s what happens when I don’t proofread before I publish!!! I MEANT to write…
“As I emerged from my foggy grief, I realized I had done all the same things but ***withOUT*** the usual accompanying angst and rush-rush and anxiety and grouchiness (etc, etc) - that was HUGE.”
Obviously, that’s something else entirely!
L
I’m honored to have been a small part of the journey.:) You have inspired me so many times!
Thanks Melissa, Ren & Jacki for your well wishes and kind words. And thanks for the book recommendation Stacey, i just checked it out on amazon and it looks great.
Wow Shawna – dont worry id be hyperventilating if we were on a busy LA street
Thanks to for your honest and insightful words Laura. I think I might have had a similar experience – my father died days before the birth of Z. Both the extremes of life & death in such a short period certainly focussed my attention…