The “Mother” Speaks
anne on Nov 18 2007 at 4:54 am | Filed under: mindfulness, parenting | Click here to go HOME | or find out about SUBSCRIBING TO THE PIT |
Hello, Anne here. This is my very first contribution to the Parenting Pit. It even took me many months before i even READ the posts that Arun was writing - much to his disappointment and frustration.
Why has it taken so long? Partly because it is Arun’s “baby” so to speak and i have wanted to give him the space to explore this territory in peace. The huge personal shifts he has made through the vehicle of parenting our two little ones has been truly inspirational.
While I may have led the charge in many areas of our relationship and life together such as homebirth and homeschooling, he has absolutely been the driving force behind our unschooling journey. And I feel full of gratitude and appreciation for the joy and lightness it is bringing to our family. A HUGE and HEARTFELT THANKYOU Arun.
LIGHTNESS
Which brings me to the topic of lightness and another of the reasons i haven’t so much as poked my nose in here as yet.I have just finished a wonderful meditation retreat with the UK based teacher of my teacher here in Byron Bay.
Christopher Titmuss spoke of many wonderful things and one of them was the idea of “touching your roles lightly”. That you are actually only performing a role when acting “on behalf of” or are “in front of” those concerned - in this case, the delightful M and Z.
I realised that I often perceive my role as “mother” as a burden that I carry with a heaviness that is unable to distinguish between when I am in my role and when I am in other roles eg partner, sister, friend, daughter, worker, contemplative and, even more importantly, that there is an I that is in fact NONE of these roles. So there is a tremendous freedom in this idea which means I no longer feel a desire to avoid talking about parenting when I am not actively engaged in it. I can write in here whenever I feel I have something to say.
Which brings me to the third reason why I haven’t appeared here - I am working away on huge perfectionist tendencies which serve no purpose other than to stifle and block me - in so many areas of my life. So Arun’s spelling mistakes set off so many reactions in me that i could get some popcorn and sit and watch the movie of them for hours.
He tells me he makes a point of not correcting them to encourage the spontaneous and imperfect nature of the blog. More alarm bells ringing - spontaneous - imperfect - don’t I need to have something seriously substantial and perfectly refined to contribute before I take up space in the universe? Isn’t spontaneity reserved for new born lambs frolicking in fields of dandelions?
Let’s just hit the pause button in this movie and occasionally insert some very imperfect and slightly spontaneous musings from the “mother” who sometimes is and sometimes is not - and so many other things - while yet “no thing” besides. Hope to see you here again sometime! It’s been fun!
I live, learn, love and work with anne. I could not wish for a more inspiring, caring and loving partner in this life…
I am sooo pleased to have anne contribute to “the pit”. Hope this post is the first of many
Hi! Welcome to the blogosphere! Like you, I don’t blog myself but I do sometimes (rarely) contribute to my wife’s (Ronnie, aka Dragonfly, aka KreweQueen of the Zombie Princess). Also like you, I have a perfectionist who lives in my brain and gives me shit constantly. I find that it’s easier to ignore him for my kids than for my own needs/process. Maybe one day I’ll even be able to stifle him when he’s working on me. Meanwhile, we take each day as it comes.
As Neil Young said, “Keep on rockin’ in the free world!”
Frank
P. S. Don’t move to the Appalachians; the family trees there have no branches! In the land of the toothless, the one-toothed man is king. Just kidding… sort of.
Nice to see you here, Anne
I have derived much inspiration from Arun’s ideas on parenting, and this post was quite beautiful. I am dealing with similar issues… didn’t want to read about parenting when the kids were napping, you know. I felt like good parents didn’t need to read about parenting, they just did it, and well. But I needed a bit of an extra push. I hope to see you here lots!
Oh, and I have to take up for the Appalachians here. My family has lived here for eons and has quite a branched out family tree. We’re not as closed-minded and backwards as some would have you believe. I would say more, as the above comment is quite offensive, but I will leave it at that, and I still encourage you to consider this area for your adventures. No pressure though (even taking into consideration that this is my third post trying to wave you guys to this part of the world!)
Heather. From the Appalachians.
Oh yay for joyous posts by the lovely Anne herself. How wonderful to see your smiling face with that beautiful boy of yours. It just makes me miss you guys more and more. You are such a beautiful, inspirational (and slightly wacky) family. You warm our hearts. Welcome Anne!!!! xx
Welcome Anne! It’s so nice to finally hear your voice.
Hello Anne! I’m glad to get to hear your thoughts here as well.
Arun has been such an inspirational blogger, I’m sure you will be jsut as amazing. 
Nice to have you here Anne! One of my mantra’s in helping people unblock their creative flow is “you have to be willing to (fill in the blank: paint/write/draw/design etc…) crap”
Yes, you have to be willing to write crap in order to get to the good stuff. As the queen of writing crap, I should know.:) lol
As to the Appalachian comment, there is actually a very deep and abiding wisdom in most of the people here. A connection with the earth and the land that has been lost in so many places. Those “backwards” folks have taught me much. I am venturing into beekeeping with some of the old timers and there isn’t one of them that isn’t sharp as a whistle.
There are some kinds of knowledge our society has little respect for. It’s important knowledge and I’m grateful to live amongst people that seem to get it.
When fossil fuels are no longer available, those “backwards” hillbillies might not seem so backwards after all.
Besides, when a person makes a comment about Appalachia like that, it’s obvious they’ve never visited trendy, progressive places like Asheville or Abingdon or numerous other quaint and beautiful towns nestled in the mountains with culture galore. It’s backwards to make generalizations about a region you haven’t spent time exploring.