Reading the elists & web sites that I do and hanging out with the families that we do, it was a reality check to hear terms such as “good, bad & naughty” thrown around so much during the last 10 days while visiting my extended family. Usually it was “Good” but of course that always presupposed that any deviation from the present behaviour was “bad” or “naughty”.

We try to avoid these terms (see “5 Reasons to Stop Saying Good Job” for more) but we have also shifted in how we respond when others use them.

Ive discussed on this blog how we have unregulated food and videos with M, offering control in such matters – in effect letting our protective walls come down while remaining pro active and focussing on deepening our relationship & connection with her to help navigate such things.

Similarly when we mix with people who have different parenting approaches/ paradigms we are starting to come from a position of strength rather than fear. We have gained confidence in what we are doing and our relationship with our children so we do not have to correct others or lecture people on the “perils of praise”… especially where there is absolutely no interest in hearing such perspectives, which is often the case.

In hindsight I cant believe how a year ago I would have launched into such arguments when some poor unsuspecting shmuck simply said “good job” at a picture that M drew!

That said I still cant keep myself quiet sometimes, for example when a relative scolded her toddler and called him “naughty” when he threw his food to the ground. The rest of the conversation went:
Me: he’s not naughty, he’s just experimenting
Her: great, I’ll have you to blame when he’s ten year and does not listen to me
Me: and you will have me to thank when he’s looking after you when you are 80 years old and you drop some of your food!

Not the main point I know… but i could not resist

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