arun on Sep 23 2007 at 6:31 am | Filed under: *favourites*, parenting | Click here to go HOME | or find out about SUBSCRIBING TO THE PIT |
Guess who has just learnt how to add surveys to their blog? It’s anonomous and quick… please take a moment to click on one of the options below to add your vote.
Feel free to comment / explain / whatever in the add comments section also but at the very least do just put in your vote…
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Very cool new feature!!!
I voted for “be patient and calm during meltdowns.” Actually I think they *do* make a pill for this: it’s called a double martini.
Seriously though, this is definitely the most challenging thing for me. I used to be a nanny and I always told myself that I would be better during meltdowns with my own kids than with my charges because, after all, you love your own babies so much more than you could ever love someone else’s, right? Well, it turns out that it’s a lot easier to be calm and patient when you’ve had a full night’s sleep and you get to go home at five-thirty.
I love this poll because not only do you give some thought to how you’d like to improve your parenting, you also get to look at all the other options you didn’t vote for and think, “Hey, I’m not so bad at that, and that…I must be a great parent!”
Only one? Oh gee, that’s tough to decide. I pick be patient and calm ”under fire”. I know that I feed off my kids as much as they feed off of me. When they get upset and act out it makes me feel stressed and lose it a bit more.
I chose “lighten up, be spontaneous, have fun and play more”. When I first glanced at the list I was looking for the option that included having more patience. I have always struggled with being impatient. But after some reflection I realized that I really *am* being more patient these days! Yea, it’s progress!
So what stood out for me was having fun and playing with my kids more - really getting down on their level and finding joy in their activities. All too often I feel pulled away from that by other things.
~~I voted for “be patient and calm during meltdowns.” Actually I think they *do* make a pill for this: it’s called a double martini.~~
Works for me! jk
“under fire” in my world is typically when several stressors have built up and Jalen is going into his mode of being completely disconnected and getting destructive. I hear myself revert to those “if’s”. “If you don’t calm down, we’ll have to leave the room” which is true because he’s hurting people and/or property, but I KNOW how to handle it better.
Knowing logically how to handle a situation isn’t always tied to the emotion of “make it stop”.:) It does get better and better. I just wish no matter how intense the moment, I could calmly and creatively help him.
I’ve learnt a great method to deal with meltdowns recently.
Liberation! no more long-winded trying to “reason” with uptight kids! I just give them the I, 2, 3 warnings and then ask them to cool down in quiet time if they can’t get it together. I’ve only been using this method for a few weeks yet the youth seem to like it and respond positively.
THe older ones are already starting to regulate themselves by going to their rooms to cool down when they start getting too cranky to be reasonable.
The tuffest part is setting the example! In order to make this method really effective, one has to present a cool, calm, disciplined front, like people have said, easier said than done when yah chronically under-slept! Still, I am raising my voice soooo much less, and sometimes all I have to do is raise a finger and give them that “I mean business” look.
My Kids tell me I’m too soft so I think they welcome some authoritativeness from me.
When the little one(2) is in tantrum mode, I will stay there with him in his space, but time-out doesn’t start til they have quietened down and then its age appropriate, as many minutes as they are years old.
Soon I want to devise an elaborate reward system tho, incentive can’t hurt!!!!
The trick is not trying to reason in an adult fashion with kids , too much, as they do not have the brain development to absorb so many words and concepts at a time, especially when they are upset, so arguing is a no-no non negotiable, as is hitting, threatening and other total lack of personal discipline. Give them reflective time and then get on with the day, no moralizing or going over the event, unless they want to talk about it. Its not punishment, its love! Giving them time to learn to calm down and begin to “put the brakes on” when their emotions get out of control. Yes Kids doooo like and need healthy boundries!!!!!!!!
Blessings and Love
Sistah Nyah
Wow! Thanks for your comments Sister Nyah but in all honesty what you describe goes against a lot of what I have been describing and exploring on the parenting pit. You raise so many issues around boundaries, time outs, rewards and control… If you are curious I hope you have time to explore some of the other articles and posts on this site, although it sounds as though you are quite happy with your approach.
I do believe in “each to their own” and that each parent/ family/ child needs to explore what is right for them at any point in time – but i felt obligated to say something since you posted your comments to my blog and frankly the approach you describe is not something that i personally would aspire towards.
hoping that is a fair balance between diplomacy and honesty?