Comments on: DO NOT READ THIS POST! http://theparentingpit.com/2007/08/13/do-not-read-this-post/ alternative parenting | conscious living | unschooling Thu, 28 Aug 2008 18:51:09 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.1 By: shawna http://theparentingpit.com/2007/08/13/do-not-read-this-post/#comment-2211 shawna Fri, 14 Sep 2007 14:53:39 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/08/13/do-not-read-this-post/#comment-2211 I find that different children respond differently to limits. My older boys did fine with them when younger, but my youngest child has rebelled and pushed and tested since he was able...and it gets us nowhere and fast. Your post has given me something to think about, along with some other thoughts from other people...but I am finding I have a highly intelligent child on my hand who has flat out asked and questioned about coercion in parenting and absolutely does not like it nor see it as fair nor right nor just nor logical LOL And he is merely seven--his behavior has demenostrated his feeling for a few years now, but recently he has voiced and argued with words against it in a very profound way. I find that different children respond differently to limits. My older boys did fine with them when younger, but my youngest child has rebelled and pushed and tested since he was able…and it gets us nowhere and fast.

Your post has given me something to think about, along with some other thoughts from other people…but I am finding I have a highly intelligent child on my hand who has flat out asked and questioned about coercion in parenting and absolutely does not like it nor see it as fair nor right nor just nor logical LOL And he is merely seven–his behavior has demenostrated his feeling for a few years now, but recently he has voiced and argued with words against it in a very profound way.

]]> By: Ren http://theparentingpit.com/2007/08/13/do-not-read-this-post/#comment-1764 Ren Fri, 24 Aug 2007 04:31:36 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/08/13/do-not-read-this-post/#comment-1764 I like to think of true safety issues as something the child would WANT you to do for them if they understood the danger. They don't want to get hurt. For us, the main goal is to address the underlying need. If the underlying need for running toward the busy street is a need to run, we can go find a safe place to do that like a park. If the need is to explore cars, we can find a car lot or other safe place to do that. If the need is to explore the street, we can do it together when there is no traffic (or if that isn't possible, find a different street to explore). I think the mindful parent is aware of the underlying need (or trying to discover it at least) and focusing on how to creatively meet that need, rather than say "no" or stop the behavior. I like to think of true safety issues as something the child would WANT you to do for them if they understood the danger. They don’t want to get hurt.

For us, the main goal is to address the underlying need. If the underlying need for running toward the busy street is a need to run, we can go find a safe place to do that like a park. If the need is to explore cars, we can find a car lot or other safe place to do that. If the need is to explore the street, we can do it together when there is no traffic (or if that isn’t possible, find a different street to explore).

I think the mindful parent is aware of the underlying need (or trying to discover it at least) and focusing on how to creatively meet that need, rather than say “no” or stop the behavior.

]]> By: arun http://theparentingpit.com/2007/08/13/do-not-read-this-post/#comment-1654 arun Thu, 16 Aug 2007 14:11:37 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/08/13/do-not-read-this-post/#comment-1654 hi Stacey, I guess our daughter at 5 is older than Alder, so such dangers become more self evident to her. Your question is more relevant to our son who is 16 months. We definitely impose more limits on him though we try to accomodate him where possible. Eg. if he wants to go on the road we hold his hand or pick him up to take him accross it and find something appealing for him on the other side. We also try to let him see potential dangers, eg. i often hold him while i cook over our stove. He used to try to grab at the pan or the flame... so I held his hand near the flame so he could feel the heat (not as mean as it sounds) so he knows its hot and i dont have to keep pulling his hand away. Now he points to it like a joke because he knows ill remind him that its "hot" which he thinks is funny (inherited my pathetic sense of humour it seems...) i want to write more on our approach to a very young child (our 16 month old son) compared to a young child (our 5yr old daughter) and will try to get my thoughts coherent enough for a post on this soon... thanks for the prod! arun hi Stacey,

I guess our daughter at 5 is older than Alder, so such dangers become more self evident to her.

Your question is more relevant to our son who is 16 months. We definitely impose more limits on him though we try to accomodate him where possible. Eg. if he wants to go on the road we hold his hand or pick him up to take him accross it and find something appealing for him on the other side.

We also try to let him see potential dangers, eg. i often hold him while i cook over our stove. He used to try to grab at the pan or the flame… so I held his hand near the flame so he could feel the heat (not as mean as it sounds) so he knows its hot and i dont have to keep pulling his hand away. Now he points to it like a joke because he knows ill remind him that its “hot” which he thinks is funny (inherited my pathetic sense of humour it seems…)

i want to write more on our approach to a very young child (our 16 month old son) compared to a young child (our 5yr old daughter) and will try to get my thoughts coherent enough for a post on this soon… thanks for the prod!

arun

]]> By: Stacey http://theparentingpit.com/2007/08/13/do-not-read-this-post/#comment-1615 Stacey Wed, 15 Aug 2007 01:04:33 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/08/13/do-not-read-this-post/#comment-1615 I agree and life is easier and more joyous when you let them make choices for themselves but what about all the safety issues that need to be instilled like no running in the street? I agree and life is easier and more joyous when you let them make choices for themselves but what about all the safety issues that need to be instilled like no running in the street?

]]> By: Tara http://theparentingpit.com/2007/08/13/do-not-read-this-post/#comment-1609 Tara Tue, 14 Aug 2007 15:32:55 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/08/13/do-not-read-this-post/#comment-1609 Yup, I read it cuz it told me not to. ;) hehe Yup, I read it cuz it told me not to. ;) hehe

]]> By: Caroline http://theparentingpit.com/2007/08/13/do-not-read-this-post/#comment-1604 Caroline Tue, 14 Aug 2007 05:42:42 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/08/13/do-not-read-this-post/#comment-1604 I couldn't agree more. I think that not only will the child have a healthy relationship with all the things mentioned but also with me as their mother. And they will truly understand unconditional love. I couldn’t agree more. I think that not only will the child have a healthy relationship with all the things mentioned but also with me as their mother. And they will truly understand unconditional love.

]]> By: Mommy Babble http://theparentingpit.com/2007/08/13/do-not-read-this-post/#comment-1596 Mommy Babble Mon, 13 Aug 2007 18:56:54 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/08/13/do-not-read-this-post/#comment-1596 I totally agree. The more we tells kids NO the more they push against us. It's not bad, it's human nature. I've found that if I have to set limites taking the time to explain why, allow input, and phrase it in a postive way rather than negative makes it so much easier. I totally agree. The more we tells kids NO the more they push against us. It’s not bad, it’s human nature. I’ve found that if I have to set limites taking the time to explain why, allow input, and phrase it in a postive way rather than negative makes it so much easier.

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