What I have loved about living in cohousing these last three months is the spontaneous daily connection with others, both parents of younglings and non-parents. When we have a tough moment or two, we can go out and play in the sandbox, and maybe someone comes by with a plate of cornbread to share and maybe another parent comes by with his kids and we talk about great restaurants nearby, or maybe no one comes by but we still feel privileged to be able to make use of the community resources that are just outside our door (instead of having to gear up to walk/drive to a park). And we share meals and community service with these neighbors so we have a connection that is more than incidental or proximal.

I’m still the responsible parent but I can let go enough to have the retired couple on the corner offer cookies when the kids knock on their door as we walk through the courtyard, or let my neighbor-with-many-plastic-toys watch Tallest for an hour while feverish Smallest and I take a much-needed nap. The trade-off is so worth it.

This community currently having a series of parent meetings to discuss how we parent each others’ kids (safety rules, etc.). It might be great having a community formed of only people who believed exactly the same things we do, all unschoolers and compassionate communicators and cloth-diaperers and sling-wearers and brownrice-eaters. But I’d miss all the other interesting people and I’d miss the unexpected kindness of people reaching out despite differences.

And that’s why I’m growing a village to grow my kids.

Chrissy I particularly appreciated when you said:

I spent a long time searching for like minded people. Along the way I had missed so many beautiful people, in my blinkered search. I realise that these “others” teach me so much and I feel very grateful for that.

I think part of this for me is my continual struggle to be non judgemental and focusing on difference. Im getting better at this but still a work in progress.

Thanks too Casso. Unlike many I dont really have any love of the old tribe idea… I am more looking for “community”, or a supportive network of people. I still want to be the parent… but am open to help… and a lot of it.

Thanks for sharing info of your intentional physical community Manisha, your online one Summer (mommybabble) and your challenges in networking Cyndi and Brett…

I am often amazed and saddened how hard connecting can be when so many people are so isolated! Great to read of you all making links in your own ways. Certainly spurs me on to keep going.

Yes… and “Frankenvillage” sounds good to me too

this title took my eye.

We quickly realised there are not many parents like us (natural parenting / aware parenting etc). Though there is a small handful spread out in our region.

We live just north of Coffs Harbour, and have a lovely 16month old boy. Would be happy to connect with anyone in the area or simply passing by.

ON THE OTHER HAND, our respective families do not share our parenting style. at times they are so vastly different that i do not feel comfortable with the idea of living near them and all that would entail.

i quite like the idea of forming a community with like-minded families here and am trying to do that now, but it`s been really challenging for several reasons. My japanese is atrocious. even having a basic conversation is a real stretch for me. also the concepts of homeschooling/unschooling and alternative ways of parenting are really just catching on here. there are like-minded families, but they are sort of scattered all over the country. and finally, i have a hard time simply `letting go` of my ideals and expectations and letting other people in. i know it`s important for children to have varied experiences and that includes meeting people from different backgrounds with different beliefs and different ways of looking at the world, but my boys are still so small and my trust issues are really big.

I’ve looked into some intentinal communities, but unfortunately the hubs thinks I’m crazy. So right now I jsut wish.

I find my personal issue with the concept stems from my inability to find others who share my (and my husband’s) parenting beliefs. I just can’t accept that a village would do better by my child than a committed and caring parent/s. I don’t mean to decry all others as being incapable of meeting my child’s needs or that we are trying to remove her from experiencing others’ beliefs. But when she is only just approaching two years of age I don’t see any need for her to be ‘brought up’ by anyone other than myself and her father.

Having said that I think the ‘village’ is definitely of benefit to the parent. I have found my village to be a wonderful group of mothers through a local AP group. These women are all warm, welcoming, supportive and diverse. They embrace different approaches to parenting, enjoy discussion and (bless them all!) are not judgmental. Just meeting up with them once a week at the local park is a wonderfully sweet breath of fresh air.

So that probably made little sense. :o)

Cheers, Cass

Our neighbours on one side are retirees who are really beautfiful with our children. They are respectful of our ‘out there’ ideas and I am so grateful to have landed next to them. T and J jump the fence almost daily to play, help in their garden, read or just feel independant by going off without Mama. We talk over the fence, care for each others chooks and swim in their pool On the other side there is a family with children who come and play every weekend or vise versa. Very different authoritarian parenting happening there which is always makes interesting conversations with T.

I also have been really putting myself out in the world trying to find natural learning families and get to know them. I have met some really beautiful people - what a wild and woolly crew!

What a ramble!
So we have no MO or commune that we have slotted into - it has taken time in the oe place and energy. I find the key for me is to be open to all friendships and the right people just come into your life.

I spent a long time searching for like minded people. Along the way I had missed so many beautiful people, in my blinkered search. I realise that these “others” teach me so much and I feel very grateful for that.