“It takes a village to raise a child”
– African Saying

What constitutes a family these days? There are single parents; blended groups via splits and new partnerships; mixed genders with gay & lesbian relationships etc etc.. However in most iterations there is often a common thread – pressure put on one or at best two individuals to parent a child.

Taking the pressure off families usually involves having time away from children – whether it be through school or child care.

The idea of a closer communities to assist families seems like a pipe dream for many… but an appealing one still. So what form can it take? What could a village look like in contemporary western culture?

THE LOCAL VILLAGE

Almost a decade ago I read Deborah White’s Seeds for Change where she unpacked todays alienated urban living and suggested tangible, possible steps forward.

From what I remember (dont quote me), she made the observation that for many women who are primary carers a main social interaction came through consumerism – going to the shops. She posed a number of ideas as alternatives and one that stuck with me was the idea of a “community house”.

This idea involved having one house in every locality or neighbourhood which was simply a gathering place and “community space”. It might be a drop in place for local children and adults alike, a place to eat together occasionally, share resources, hold events etc etc..

The community house is just one idea but the point is “village” or community in this instance is based on geography. The benefits are particularly the logistical ease and the possibility of incidental, unplanned contact. The main draw back is that you may have nothing in common with your neighbour and difficulty connecting – so incidental contact might come but maybe remain superficial and unsatisfying.

THE VILLAGE OF AUNTS & UNCLES

Another option is based on extended family. Certainly coming from an Indian background I see this often. However for many who have made relatively alternative parenting choices, while extended family are important and loved… you might also need “a little space” from them (is that being diplomatic enough?).

The benefits of this option are often that your family has known you from the beginning and have that shared history. For those who wish to grow and make significant changes in themselves and their lives, of course this can be one of the main draw backs also.

THE VIRTUAL VILLAGE

Another more recent option is through the internet. I see this and am part of it with this blog and my (mainly lurking) participation on several egroups. The benefit in direct contrast to the above two options is that you can seek out like minds from across the planet. So you are into unschooling with a twist of EC, AP and a little NVC? While most people you know would look at you funny when you mentioned that… there is probably an egroup out there for you.

The problem of course is that in many instances you will never actually meet them. What good is an egroup when you just want a hand to cook dinner without kids hanging off your legs screaming? Times like that emailed empathy only goes so far.

SO WHERE IS OUR VILLAGE ANYWAY?

We have explored many options, largely based on Anne’s energy and initiative – of eco villages, multiple occupancy dwellings, joint living arrangements etc etc..

We have always been aware that we dont want to live in a commune… just a community. But finding in the right place, at the right price, with the right people and right time had eluded us to this point.

We would love to find the perfect prefabricated and cosy village for our family to slot into. Instead we are working at a number of levels to get there… effectively cobbling together a combination of the three above options into our own versions of a FrankenVillage.

Would love to hear how you are going beyond your family into a village… feel free to leave a comment below.

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