Comments on: Tonight I Lied to My Daughter… Again http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/ alternative parenting | conscious living | unschooling Thu, 28 Aug 2008 19:08:41 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.1 By: Schuyler http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-1032 Schuyler Mon, 09 Jul 2007 12:28:38 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-1032 I told Simon and Linnaea this year that there wasn't a Santa Claus or a tooth fairy, or anything else of those ilk. I hated lying. It's funny how much I hated the lying. I loved the special gifts and the stockings and the sneaking out in the middle of the night to set this wonderful toy trap of pleasure, but I hated the Santa Claus bit. They were completely nonplussed. Linnaea, particularly, was very invested in the idea of Santa Claus. It was really an important story to her, and I was quite torn about telling her. But after she heard she said "I think children whose parents aren't as good to them as you and Dad are to us need Santa Claus more. I don't need him, I've got you." So, there you go. Or, there I go. Her life is so good it doesn't need to be buffered by fantasy gift givers. Man, is she wonderfully romantic. Oh, Crystal at <a href="http://daikinicrossroads.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">Daikini Crossroads</a> has a couple of posts about letting go of the fantasy magic and Santa Claus from their lives. <a href="http://daikinicrossroads.blogspot.com/2006/11/sorscha-santas-secret.html" rel="nofollow">http://daikinicrossroads.blogspot.com/2006/11/sorscha-santas-secret.html</a> is the post about Santa. I told Simon and Linnaea this year that there wasn’t a Santa Claus or a tooth fairy, or anything else of those ilk. I hated lying. It’s funny how much I hated the lying. I loved the special gifts and the stockings and the sneaking out in the middle of the night to set this wonderful toy trap of pleasure, but I hated the Santa Claus bit. They were completely nonplussed. Linnaea, particularly, was very invested in the idea of Santa Claus. It was really an important story to her, and I was quite torn about telling her. But after she heard she said “I think children whose parents aren’t as good to them as you and Dad are to us need Santa Claus more. I don’t need him, I’ve got you.” So, there you go. Or, there I go. Her life is so good it doesn’t need to be buffered by fantasy gift givers. Man, is she wonderfully romantic.

Oh, Crystal at Daikini Crossroads has a couple of posts about letting go of the fantasy magic and Santa Claus from their lives. http://daikinicrossroads.blogspot.com/2006/11/sorscha-santas-secret.html is the post about Santa.

]]> By: Melissa http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-1028 Melissa Mon, 09 Jul 2007 01:26:33 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-1028 We decided not to do the santa thing. It was more my husband and at first he had a hard time getting me to come to the party. He didn't understand why he would be honest about everything and then lie about a man with a beard who comes into your house at night! I tried to convince him that we could do a 'kind of' santa that we could call 'spiritual saint Nick'. We tried this for a year....I made believe that he drove a combi and had strippy socks and bought gifts that were hand made and gave presents to charity that were environmentally friendly. Thankfully our son was only 6 mths at the time and I have now gotten over MY need to fill up our lives with a superficial 'special' feeling. This Christmas we will have a 2.5 year old boy who will enjoy the wonder of Christmas like he enjoys the wonder of every day. We will make gifts and make food and laugh, like we do on many days in our beautiful year. Living in the now is so much more precious to us than the build up of one day that will come and go. I wouldn't deliberately destroy the idea of Santa or the Easter bunny for him, I would like to give him the opportunity to believe whatever he desires.....I'm just not going to hype it up and make him believe anything. We decided not to do the santa thing. It was more my husband and at first he had a hard time getting me to come to the party. He didn’t understand why he would be honest about everything and then lie about a man with a beard who comes into your house at night! I tried to convince him that we could do a ‘kind of’ santa that we could call ’spiritual saint Nick’. We tried this for a year….I made believe that he drove a combi and had strippy socks and bought gifts that were hand made and gave presents to charity that were environmentally friendly. Thankfully our son was only 6 mths at the time and I have now gotten over MY need to fill up our lives with a superficial ’special’ feeling. This Christmas we will have a 2.5 year old boy who will enjoy the wonder of Christmas like he enjoys the wonder of every day. We will make gifts and make food and laugh, like we do on many days in our beautiful year. Living in the now is so much more precious to us than the build up of one day that will come and go. I wouldn’t deliberately destroy the idea of Santa or the Easter bunny for him, I would like to give him the opportunity to believe whatever he desires…..I’m just not going to hype it up and make him believe anything.

]]> By: Wendy http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-1012 Wendy Sun, 08 Jul 2007 04:07:59 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-1012 We too decided to tell A the truth if she asked about Santa etc., believing there to be enough wonder and awe in the world anyway...and that it was important for her to believe she could ask us anything and our answer could always be trusted. Of course, grandma was horrified that I had told A the truth about Santa when she asked at age 5 (but grandma's view of me in general is one of horror!). Knowing the 'truth' has never held back A's excitement as far as Xmas is concerned anyway. She's just as happy to make believe with the whole thing as she is with all sorts of other things in her imaginary world (her 'imaginary friend', Shelly-belly, just got back from a trip to San Francisco where she'd gone because she was ill...who am I to judge if she is really an 'imaginary friend' or if that's just a convenient label for me to put on something I don't truly understand?) And I'm similar to others who've posted here when asked about fairies etc...I don't think I've ever seen them but that's not proof that they don't exist...I just don't know and sometimes it just comes down to whether it feels right for you as an individual to believe in them or not. We too decided to tell A the truth if she asked about Santa etc., believing there to be enough wonder and awe in the world anyway…and that it was important for her to believe she could ask us anything and our answer could always be trusted. Of course, grandma was horrified that I had told A the truth about Santa when she asked at age 5 (but grandma’s view of me in general is one of horror!).
Knowing the ‘truth’ has never held back A’s excitement as far as Xmas is concerned anyway. She’s just as happy to make believe with the whole thing as she is with all sorts of other things in her imaginary world (her ‘imaginary friend’, Shelly-belly, just got back from a trip to San Francisco where she’d gone because she was ill…who am I to judge if she is really an ‘imaginary friend’ or if that’s just a convenient label for me to put on something I don’t truly understand?)
And I’m similar to others who’ve posted here when asked about fairies etc…I don’t think I’ve ever seen them but that’s not proof that they don’t exist…I just don’t know and sometimes it just comes down to whether it feels right for you as an individual to believe in them or not.

]]> By: Wendy http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-1001 Wendy Sat, 07 Jul 2007 22:22:21 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-1001 When my ten year old was born, my husband and I had decided not to go the "Santa" route. We weren't going to perpetuate the lie. Unfortunately, his family didn't give us that option, and now, she and her two younger sisters are believers (the ten year old, not so much anymore, though). I've even caught myself saying, "If you don't go to bed, Santa won't come." It's horrible. Even worse is the sneaking around and trying to make believe that Santa actually delivered those gifts, and worse, trying to wiggle out of the lie when my ten year old has actually seen the gifts. I don't think it's mean to be honest with one's children, and I worry about them trusting me when I wasn't even truthful about something as benign as Santa and the toothfairy. When my ten year old was born, my husband and I had decided not to go the “Santa” route. We weren’t going to perpetuate the lie. Unfortunately, his family didn’t give us that option, and now, she and her two younger sisters are believers (the ten year old, not so much anymore, though). I’ve even caught myself saying, “If you don’t go to bed, Santa won’t come.” It’s horrible. Even worse is the sneaking around and trying to make believe that Santa actually delivered those gifts, and worse, trying to wiggle out of the lie when my ten year old has actually seen the gifts.

I don’t think it’s mean to be honest with one’s children, and I worry about them trusting me when I wasn’t even truthful about something as benign as Santa and the toothfairy.

]]> By: Chrissy http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-992 Chrissy Sat, 07 Jul 2007 08:42:59 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-992 Maybe it is how it is handled or perhaps more the nature of the believer. My sister was fine with the 'truth' and in fact everyone else I know was too! I am renoun for being a freak though. We all just follow our hearts and do what feels right hey! We have an abundance of innocent make believe moments and delight in the real world too :) Maybe it is how it is handled or perhaps more the nature of the believer. My sister was fine with the ‘truth’ and in fact everyone else I know was too! I am renoun for being a freak though.

We all just follow our hearts and do what feels right hey! We have an abundance of innocent make believe moments and delight in the real world too :)

]]> By: shawna http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-988 shawna Sat, 07 Jul 2007 01:00:25 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-988 PS We also reveal the "truth" as a grown up secret that our children are now being entrusted to carry on and help other children enjoy the magic and innocence of Santa or Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny. This way they don't feel lied too, they have all been excited and awed and then inspired to make the magic even better for the younger ones...all 7 of my children. Truthfully, I never felt decieved as a child being part of a wonderfully make believe tradition. Maybe it's all in how it is handled **shrug** PS We also reveal the “truth” as a grown up secret that our children are now being entrusted to carry on and help other children enjoy the magic and innocence of Santa or Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny. This way they don’t feel lied too, they have all been excited and awed and then inspired to make the magic even better for the younger ones…all 7 of my children.

Truthfully, I never felt decieved as a child being part of a wonderfully make believe tradition. Maybe it’s all in how it is handled **shrug**

]]> By: shawna http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-987 shawna Sat, 07 Jul 2007 00:53:18 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-987 LOL I love the make believe stories. I feel that there is enough reality in the world and not nearly enough innocent make believe moments, why take them away from children before we have to? why not enjoy them as much as our kids? Reality will always be there when our children bounce into the other room and life goes on for us. LOL I love the make believe stories. I feel that there is enough reality in the world and not nearly enough innocent make believe moments, why take them away from children before we have to? why not enjoy them as much as our kids? Reality will always be there when our children bounce into the other room and life goes on for us.

]]> By: Amy http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-985 Amy Fri, 06 Jul 2007 22:40:30 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-985 My daughter is *almost* 3. she has had a long trail of dental surgeries and this year she had to have her front teeth removed. We follow a kind of earth magic type story telling with alot of fairies and elves so we introduced the tooth fairy with a small child appropriate book and asked her what she thought the tooth fairy would bring. she decided the tooth fairy brings shiny gold coins, chocolate ones AND real ones. I sent my mom off on a hunt and (she's so smart) she was ablr to find gold choclate coins from See's Candies and apparently the US printed some gold colored one dollar coins a few years back with Sacajawea carrying a baby on her back pictured on them. After a good bit of brasso all was well. My daughter is a little annoyed that her new teeth haven't grown back in, being only two she can't quite comprehend waiting 5 years for anything ;-) about Santa, well my husgand is the oldest of 6 and we celebrate Christmas at his parents house. They are a bit over the edge when it comes to Christmas. The mom in the Grinch movie who competitively decorated her house' that's my MIL to a T we have pushed the concept that anyone can be Santa by caring for others and giving of themselves. we make presents and then leave them on peoples doorsteps, ring the bell and go hide. So we can BE Santa too ;-) It's difficult navigating the culture we live in while being respectful and honest to our children. Love and Laughter, Amy My daughter is *almost* 3. she has had a long trail of dental surgeries and this year she had to have her front teeth removed. We follow a kind of earth magic type story telling with alot of fairies and elves so we introduced the tooth fairy with a small child appropriate book and asked her what she thought the tooth fairy would bring. she decided the tooth fairy brings shiny gold coins, chocolate ones AND real ones. I sent my mom off on a hunt and (she’s so smart) she was ablr to find gold choclate coins from See’s Candies and apparently the US printed some gold colored one dollar coins a few years back with Sacajawea carrying a baby on her back pictured on them. After a good bit of brasso all was well.

My daughter is a little annoyed that her new teeth haven’t grown back in, being only two she can’t quite comprehend waiting 5 years for anything ;-)

about Santa, well my husgand is the oldest of 6 and we celebrate Christmas at his parents house. They are a bit over the edge when it comes to Christmas. The mom in the Grinch movie who competitively decorated her house’ that’s my MIL to a T we have pushed the concept that anyone can be Santa by caring for others and giving of themselves. we make presents and then leave them on peoples doorsteps, ring the bell and go hide. So we can BE Santa too ;-)

It’s difficult navigating the culture we live in while being respectful and honest to our children.

Love and Laughter,
Amy

]]> By: Chrissy http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-979 Chrissy Fri, 06 Jul 2007 11:49:25 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-979 I have explained about the myth of Santa and the magic of believing in something to T and asked her if she would like me to help her believe by going along with the story. She believes no more in Santa than Blibo Baggins or Despareaux... (well I think Bilbo is actually real :)) When I was a child I remember being told that Santa, tooth fairy etc were made up and I felt completely and utterly ruined. I felt that I had been taken advantage of, lied to and decieved... I was a sensitive wee soul! still am At the going rate of teeth we might have to give that one a miss altogther!!!! I have explained about the myth of Santa and the magic of believing in something to T and asked her if she would like me to help her believe by going along with the story. She believes no more in Santa than Blibo Baggins or Despareaux… (well I think Bilbo is actually real :))

When I was a child I remember being told that Santa, tooth fairy etc were made up and I felt completely and utterly ruined. I felt that I had been taken advantage of, lied to and decieved… I was a sensitive wee soul! still am

At the going rate of teeth we might have to give that one a miss altogther!!!!

]]> By: Sim http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-978 Sim Fri, 06 Jul 2007 10:12:00 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/07/05/tonight-i-lied-to-my-daughter-again/#comment-978 Like you, Ren, we mostly decided to go down the avoidance route rather than make up anything directly. I try not to read books about Santa, etc, but it’s all so ubiquitous from about October that I thought I’d wait and see what ds1 thought about it all himself without input from us. At 20 months he asked what all the "dogs with branches" were (reindeer) and why was a man wearing a "false white beard" sitting on a throne. Apparently Santa goes to all the children in the world, even the ones that don't believe in him, he drives a white Commodore and swims between countries. For houses that don't have chimneys he just goes in through the front door (of course!). Now at nearly 5 he's more inclined to believe in Santa (or wants to believe in the presents anyway), and was sad that no-one gave Santa any gifts, so at last year's Xmas party he made a cardboard shark to give to Santa when it was his turn to sit on the fat man's knee. Like you, Ren, we mostly decided to go down the avoidance route rather than make up anything directly. I try not to read books about Santa, etc, but it’s all so ubiquitous from about October that I thought I’d wait and see what ds1 thought about it all himself without input from us. At 20 months he asked what all the “dogs with branches” were (reindeer) and why was a man wearing a “false white beard” sitting on a throne. Apparently Santa goes to all the children in the world, even the ones that don’t believe in him, he drives a white Commodore and swims between countries. For houses that don’t have chimneys he just goes in through the front door (of course!). Now at nearly 5 he’s more inclined to believe in Santa (or wants to believe in the presents anyway), and was sad that no-one gave Santa any gifts, so at last year’s Xmas party he made a cardboard shark to give to Santa when it was his turn to sit on the fat man’s knee.

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