When we are fighting we there is always a duality about it, we might be really annoyed or pissed off at each other but at the same time we are able to diverge as well. Of course the duality isn’t there in every moment.

But I’ve done it once before and that time, only got to number 5 and that’s where it stagnated for three years, until I decided enough was enough.

My husband’s parents were divorced when he was thirteen.

So, between his family history and my past, the odds are kind of stacked against us, but the one constant over the years is that we are committed to our relationship - above all other things, and so far, that seems to be working well.

Similar cycles though. We just never get to any kind of crisis point, though we might have some really intense discussions. There’s a “comfortableness” now that I can’t quite explain. But in that comfortableness, there’s still a lot of room for excitement and new dreams.

Now, it’s different. I’d say we’re mostly at 1. We rarely get into 2 or 3 now. When we move into 4, 5 or 6, it doesn’t last long. When we gets to 7, we move into 1 again pretty quickly.

I’m not sure what we do differently now. I think part of it is my shift in expectations of what he is bringing to the relationship. And being honest about how his behavior makes me feel, without asking him to change it.

No, there’s a lot more than that. But we got a point where we both realized we were trying to be “right”, and to a certain extent, trying to win, or prove a point.

I stopped that. Now, when we fight, I don’t try to fix him. Or be right. Instead, I focus on communicating. And trying to get both of our needs met. Hubby’s a great guy. So he’s been changing too. Although, he probably wouldn’t want to talk about it. Too much bringing attention to how we get along makes him self conscious.

BTW, we’ve been married 11 years too. Our 11th anniversary is coming up in a few weeks.