Comments on: English to ‘Behaviourish’, learning a new language http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/ alternative parenting | conscious living | unschooling Tue, 07 Oct 2008 19:24:02 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.1 By: Wendy http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-782 Wendy Sat, 23 Jun 2007 09:57:30 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-782 That's an interesting perspective, Kim. I'm of the opinion that young people have 'reasoning abilities' much earlier than anyone gives them credit for and tantrums are what result when their very reasonable natures are pushed to the limits with frustrations and disappointments (see Arun's article on the Land of the Giants). I don't find it 'tricky' to deal with someone who has tantrums...it's really easy if you let them get on with what's coming out and just ensure their (and your) safety. I love how incredibly present they are when they've finished and how their understanding of the world seems to flourish after such a big release...it's like a 'brain-flush'! I'm sure society's disapproval of tantrums is half the reason we as adults are often trapped in a fog, unable to get present, and/or suffering somewhere in our bodies. Maybe the bravest 'activist' type thing I could do in my life is to chuck a good old tanty when I need to! That’s an interesting perspective, Kim. I’m of the opinion that young people have ‘reasoning abilities’ much earlier than anyone gives them credit for and tantrums are what result when their very reasonable natures are pushed to the limits with frustrations and disappointments (see Arun’s article on the Land of the Giants).
I don’t find it ‘tricky’ to deal with someone who has tantrums…it’s really easy if you let them get on with what’s coming out and just ensure their (and your) safety. I love how incredibly present they are when they’ve finished and how their understanding of the world seems to flourish after such a big release…it’s like a ‘brain-flush’!
I’m sure society’s disapproval of tantrums is half the reason we as adults are often trapped in a fog, unable to get present, and/or suffering somewhere in our bodies. Maybe the bravest ‘activist’ type thing I could do in my life is to chuck a good old tanty when I need to!

]]> By: kim http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-600 kim Sun, 03 Jun 2007 21:57:08 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-600 I'm not sure how we made it through those years either, but I know I wasn't always the calm, understanding mommy either. I think it is okay though because our children get to learn that we are people too. We make mistakes and have needs as well and an occasional parent tantrum shows them just how tricky it can be to deal with a tantrumer I think. Once the age of reason kicks in it is so much easier to let kids do their own thing and to cooperate. I’m not sure how we made it through those years either, but I know I wasn’t always the calm, understanding mommy either. I think it is okay though because our children get to learn that we are people too. We make mistakes and have needs as well and an occasional parent tantrum shows them just how tricky it can be to deal with a tantrumer I think.

Once the age of reason kicks in it is so much easier to let kids do their own thing and to cooperate.

]]> By: Chrissy http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-587 Chrissy Sat, 02 Jun 2007 04:56:34 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-587 What would happen if I were to stamp my feet, scream and cry in the healthfood store? - because organic food is so expencive and I am terrified what I have in my trolley will not feed us all for the week, my children are pulling things off shelves left right and center, I have had broken sleep for 5 years, I am nearly out of petrol..... I clench my teeth together, stand up tall, I hold it together, I gently usher my feral children to the car and hope I don't have to tell a fairy story on the wa home. I let no one see how I feel - that is why I find so much joy in Jimi releasing in a clear and powerful way.... Where does my tantrum go? What would happen if I were to stamp my feet, scream and cry in the healthfood store? - because organic food is so expencive and I am terrified what I have in my trolley will not feed us all for the week, my children are pulling things off shelves left right and center, I have had broken sleep for 5 years, I am nearly out of petrol….. I clench my teeth together, stand up tall, I hold it together, I gently usher my feral children to the car and hope I don’t have to tell a fairy story on the wa home. I let no one see how I feel - that is why I find so much joy in Jimi releasing in a clear and powerful way…. Where does my tantrum go?

]]> By: casso http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-578 casso Fri, 01 Jun 2007 05:13:25 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-578 Not only for throwing things around Arun, but also, as they get a little older, pantries are great for "shopping". Give them a basket and away they go, placing their shopping carefully in the basket and oragnising their money (usually two twenty cent pieces I've placed somewhere within reach). As for the hot stuff, DD is very interested and always wants to look inside the pot. I often hold her up to look inside while DH is cooking (he does the kitchen stuff in our house). We only have to do this for a short time before I am led away to engage in some more 'stirring' at her own 'kitchen' in her bedroom. :o) Not only for throwing things around Arun, but also, as they get a little older, pantries are great for “shopping”. Give them a basket and away they go, placing their shopping carefully in the basket and oragnising their money (usually two twenty cent pieces I’ve placed somewhere within reach).

As for the hot stuff, DD is very interested and always wants to look inside the pot. I often hold her up to look inside while DH is cooking (he does the kitchen stuff in our house). We only have to do this for a short time before I am led away to engage in some more ’stirring’ at her own ‘kitchen’ in her bedroom. :o)

]]> By: arun http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-566 arun Thu, 31 May 2007 07:12:45 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-566 I aim to develop your love for these moments Chrissy... i am still just trying to sit with them without panicing for the moment. Also Stacey re the kitchen thing... i know its not your main point but we use "pantry time" to allow us time to cook dinner. Z our 1 yr old literally stands in the pantry pulling out tins and pasta. He pretty much goes for 10 minutes which is often enough to do the hot stuff undisturbed. Im thinking of selling custom made pantries for just such a purpose ;) I aim to develop your love for these moments Chrissy… i am still just trying to sit with them without panicing for the moment.

Also Stacey re the kitchen thing… i know its not your main point but we use “pantry time” to allow us time to cook dinner. Z our 1 yr old literally stands in the pantry pulling out tins and pasta. He pretty much goes for 10 minutes which is often enough to do the hot stuff undisturbed. Im thinking of selling custom made pantries for just such a purpose ;)

]]> By: Chrissy http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-565 Chrissy Thu, 31 May 2007 04:44:54 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-565 They are great teachers, our children - When I witness my children acting out their feelings I marvel at the purity. Seeing Jimi ift the roof off in a tantrum reminds me how simple life can be. Pure passion, I love it! They are great teachers, our children - When I witness my children acting out their feelings I marvel at the purity. Seeing Jimi ift the roof off in a tantrum reminds me how simple life can be. Pure passion, I love it!

]]> By: Stacey http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-563 Stacey Thu, 31 May 2007 02:53:51 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-563 With a child who is still in the nonverbal stage it seems that I am always trying to interpret what he behavior means. What I find interesting is how not only I am learning to understand him but how he is starting to use how he acts to get ideas across to us before he has use of words. Of course there are still misunderstandings but we are learning from each other. Where I get stumped is when there is set of interactions between the two of us where middle ground seems too slip away. The most poignant example of this is anytime someone is in the kitchen cooking or cleaning my son immediately follows them in there and holds on to their leg. We understand that he is really curious about what we are doing but it is difficult to hold him and safely work in the kitchen. Moments like that are when I know we still are not fluent in each others language. With a child who is still in the nonverbal stage it seems that I am always trying to interpret what he behavior means. What I find interesting is how not only I am learning to understand him but how he is starting to use how he acts to get ideas across to us before he has use of words. Of course there are still misunderstandings but we are learning from each other.

Where I get stumped is when there is set of interactions between the two of us where middle ground seems too slip away. The most poignant example of this is anytime someone is in the kitchen cooking or cleaning my son immediately follows them in there and holds on to their leg. We understand that he is really curious about what we are doing but it is difficult to hold him and safely work in the kitchen.

Moments like that are when I know we still are not fluent in each others language.

]]> By: arun http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-560 arun Wed, 30 May 2007 22:27:58 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-560 Im very nvc influenced but try to make it more internal rather than using the language too much. Our children are 1 yr & 5yr old. So maybe not the same sort of battles? When our 5yr old did hit our littlest one we worked out that she was wanting more mummy time. I was spending heaps of time with her but she still needed special mum time as well. Interesting that you are fine with other kids... i often find that harder because i am worried about their parents reaction. Good luck! btw love your site! Im very nvc influenced but try to make it more internal rather than using the language too much. Our children are 1 yr & 5yr old. So maybe not the same sort of battles? When our 5yr old did hit our littlest one we worked out that she was wanting more mummy time. I was spending heaps of time with her but she still needed special mum time as well. Interesting that you are fine with other kids… i often find that harder because i am worried about their parents reaction. Good luck! btw love your site!

]]> By: TammyT http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-559 TammyT Wed, 30 May 2007 19:25:54 +0000 http://theparentingpit.com/2007/05/30/english-to-behaviourish-learning-a-new-language/#comment-559 This sounds a little bit like NVC or "How to talk so kids will listen...." I struggle with this too. When they hit a friend, I find it pretty easy to deal with - apologize to the other kid and her parent, then try to figure out why my kid was hitting. See if we can find another solution. But when my own kids hit each other - I have a hard time being the mediator and the apologizer and the negotiator all at once. What's your perspective on when sibs yell/hit/fight/yank things from each other? Especially when they do it.. uhm... many times a day? Thanks! This sounds a little bit like NVC or “How to talk so kids will listen….”

I struggle with this too. When they hit a friend, I find it pretty easy to deal with - apologize to the other kid and her parent, then try to figure out why my kid was hitting. See if we can find another solution. But when my own kids hit each other - I have a hard time being the mediator and the apologizer and the negotiator all at once. What’s your perspective on when sibs yell/hit/fight/yank things from each other? Especially when they do it.. uhm… many times a day?

Thanks!

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